forum Critique My Boys?
Started by @Lightningclaw13 group
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@Wry_Wyvern

Cole

Looks:
-Pretty good, no critique
Nature:
-The mannerisms you have are good, but add some more! How does he walk/carry himself? How can you tell he's happy, angry, excited, etc? What are his tells?
-He should probably have more things he's good at. Is he physically strong or fast? That's a talent. How about reading, writing, or music? Is he a fast learner?
-Look at MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator) for further personality development.
-Describe this "soft side." Does "soft" mean emotional or something else?
Social:
-I don't think "capitalism" describes his politics as well as you think it does. To what extent does he believe the government should interfere in the workplace? (For example, during the industrial revolution, there were people who supported and didn't support minimum wage laws, but they all believed in capitalism.) How does he feel about non-monetary/workplace issues?
-Fill out the favorite weapon section anyway, even if he never fights (character development!)
History:
-Would it be realistic for a working-class family to build a house for a random person? I get that Cole's parents might have gotten close to Dakota, but if that was the case then they would probably just insist that they live in the house.
-Also, Cole should open up on his own; his parents trying to get him to do so would only encourage him to close more tightly and start to hate his parents and whatever they're trying to make him like (as an introvert who grew up with overprotective parents, I know this firsthand). Maybe when they finally give up on him, he slowly becomes closer to Dakota of his own accord.
Family:
-Ok so there will either be a love triangle, or Cole will start liking Dakota and Seth at completely different times. If a love triangle is involved in your story, please write it well enough that your readers won't mind that they're reading another love triangle.
Clothes:
-I find it a little odd to find emojis in a medieval setting. I understand that's how your universe is supposed to be, but readers might need some convincing.
That's all, I'll try to get to your other characters later. I think your character has a lot of potential, and I can definitely relate to him!

@Wry_Wyvern

Hunter

Looks:
-How exactly does his hair stick up; I can't really picture it with hair as long as his.
-You can tell he's Cole's father based on appearance; well done.
Nature:
-Again, add more mannerisms and check out MBTI (It seems that you have these same issues for all your characters, so I'll just say it now and not repeat it later.)
-His motivation is his family's safety, but in Cole's history he just "stayed out of his way." From what I've read about him, I think he would be a little concerned with physical safety, but also (and this is much bigger) personal well-being? Being confident, emotionally stable, learning from life, etc.
-Why is "opinionated" a flaw? Is he too vocal about his opinions?
-He's lazy, but no lazy person never works. Think about what he's willing to work hard for, and why that is.
-He tries to stay out of bad situations; is this to the extent that he is a coward or pushover? If so, how do these traits affect his life, and if not, at what point does he put his foot down?
-I know that this is your fantasy universe and you can do whatever you want, but keep in mind that a medieval-type guitar probably won't look or sound exactly like a guitar, and the name might be different.
-He's good at making people laugh; I feel like he also would be good at connecting emotionally to people in general.
Social:
-Is conservatism defined as conservative politics or traditional ways of doing things? (It could be either or both.)
-Remember to think about why his favorite things are his favorite things (goes for all characters, but I'll only mention it this once).
History:
-Why was he so eager to carry on his parents' farming legacy? He seems to dislike responsibility and didn't seem to have a great relationship with his father, so why not just sell the farm and get another job? Maybe he only keeps the farm because it's a guaranteed source of income or because it's all he knows how to do.
Clothes:
-It doesn't really make sense to have a medieval lifestyle and modern ways of manufacturing clothing. The only way I could see this being plausible is there being multiple countries at different points in development and your main country imports blue jeans for some reason…
-Or maybe your universe isn't as medieval-like as I think it is; if not just ignore the critique that doesn't apply to you.
Again, great character; just tweak a few small things.

@Wry_Wyvern

Seth

Looks:
-145 lbs is a relatively low weight for a male his height; consider adding more weight if you intend for him to be at all muscular.
-Otherwise, good job.
Nature:
-To help Karla do what?
-"Very good at ordering people around." Does this mean that he's a good leader or just authoritative? Does he have a good sense for what people should be doing (and so he orders them to do it)?
-I really like this character. Just as a person; some parts of his personality remind me of a few people that I know.
Social:
-Does he not own anything? He should have a favorite possession (it can also be something that he used to own but no longer has).
History:
-Wait… wait how did he get his scars? What else happened to him? Where's the rest of the backstory?
-Or does he get them during the story? That could be interesting.
-I kind of expected to see military experience in his background from some of what I read in the nature section. Was his father military?
Clothes:
-I like the thought you put into this (for all the characters.)
Fantastic job!

@Wry_Wyvern

Alright, Tristan… I saw him in the enemy/archenemy section of all your other characters, so I must say, I am intrigued.

Looks:
-Whoah, scary (although I guess that's what you're going for)
Nature:
-I like that you included former/current traits; although since the transformation was gradual, what separates them?
-He seems to be motivated by anger, not necessarily the Dark Being.
-He's outspoken and strong-willed so why would his cause be another being?
-Seems like a generic scary villain; maybe give him some individualistic traits (unless he's supposed to not have individuality).
Social:
-His favorite possession is his wedding ring even after he was taken over or something by the Dark Being? Interesting…
History:
-Wow. Very intriguing backstory.
-Is he being controlled by the Dark Being or does he still have some say in his actions?
Seems like a very interesting character; great job on all of these.

@Lightningclaw13 group

@qwertyuiop Thank you so much!
I'll go by each character but before that, a thing for all of them. Things like mannerisms and talents will probably come to me as I continue to make the story. And the MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator) I've planned on putting in for a while, I just haven't gotten around to it yet.

-Cole-
~Nature:
I did add "He clasps his hands together when excited" as a mannerism. The sweet side his just him being nicer and warmer instead of his outward cold and grumpy attitude. For talents, I did add "Fast Learner, Carpentry" to it. I also added "Messing around with carpentry" to his hobbies.
~Social:
I put "Capitalism (Doesn't support minimum wage laws and he does mind non-monetary)" so hopefully that helps. I put "His fists (Even though he's not good at fighting)"
~History:
In this universe, farmers are more middle class. There are still some lower class farmers but this farm has been very successful (Mostly because of Hunter and his father's Earth Magic). Oh, it wasn't his parents who tried, it was Dakota. They mainly use they/them pronouns so that probably confused you. Sorry about that. (I changed it to where it says Dakota.)
~Family:
It's kinda a love triangle (Cole likes Dakota and they like him back while Seth likes Cole) but it's not really an issue. (I'll just say it) Simply, Seth tells Dakota that he likes Cole as well and he knows they like each other so he says he won't try to make any moves on him and does support Dakota.
~Clothes:
(Going by your suggestion actually) They don't really understand it. All the clothes they get are from another country who's much more advanced then them.

-Hunter-
~Looks: It looks something like this

~Nature:
I changed it to "His family's physical safety and his own well-being." He's very vocal about his opinions. He works more for his family than himself. When it risks his family and his own well-being, is when he puts his foot down. He's definitely not a coward but he just prefers to stay out of bad situations. He'll still fight or help but it'll take a lot to convince him. I changed it to be a lute, as that fits. I did add "Connecting to people" in talents.
~Social:
It's more so politics. I do have a reason for most, if not all my characters, I just don't feel a need to write it down. Sometimes, someone's favorite things are just their favorite things with no real reason.
~History:
Honestly, it's all he knows how to do. He's really good at it too, so that's a plus.

-Seth-
~Looks:
Oof, I didn't even notice. I changed it too 165lbs.
~Nature:
Just in general. She's kinda like a mom to him so he wants to help her out in any way he can.
~Social:
More so a good leader and a good sense for what people should be doing. He doesn't have a favorite possession. (I personally don't think it's realistic to say everyone has something like that. I don't and I know other people who don't as well.)
~History:
He gets them in the story. His adopted father, Val, was in the military.

-Tristan-
~Nature:
There's a point in the story where it shows the moment when he "snapped." The Dark Being is causing him to do all of these things. He's not doing it of his own free will. The Dark Being is basically possessing him throughout most of the story. It's not really Tristan as much as it's the Dark Being. (So that's probably why he's generic.)
~Social:
Oooo, the why he's able to keep it is the The Dark Being uses it to terrorize his wife, Karla.
~History:
He basically has no say in what he does.

I'm so glad you liked them! Thank you again!