forum Critique for my boyo please?

Started February 07, 2018 by @constellations.

tune

Hi. I already did this once, but another look over would be nice because I want my character to be the best version of himself. If you could give notes, I'd really appreciate it ^^

Hi! Let's get into this: I love his name, but I can also think of a dozen other nicknames off-hand for him aside from Ari. Which does he prefer, or introduce himself as? I think it says a lot about a character. On his looks page, you mention that he has well-defined muscle but just looks like a noodle with clothes on. Does he usually wear baggy clothes, then? 'Cause muscle stands out, especially on people's arms. His motivations could use a bit more detail - what else is he motivated by? You also say that he used to be a quarterback - why did he stop playing and switch to basketball?

Also, when mentioning his favourite weapons, I'm assuming he's in the US or somewhere similar? How does he hide the brass knuckles if they're illegal in his state? Does Milo know he has them?

I do love his backstory, though! It's super detailed and doesn't really need anything added aside from how his junior year is going so far. ^^ Other than that, you've got a pretty solid main character, I think. Hope some of this helps!

Thank you so much! This was definitely helpful! I've updated him if you're interested in going back over him, please, go ahead.

I think it's pretty nice… but how does he have sapphire blue eyes? How did that happen?

What are his parent's eye color? I don't want to sound racist, but typically people who are Hispanic have 100% brown eyes. If the american parent had 100% blue eyes, the two still wouldn't be able to produce a child with blue eyes because of genetics (idk how old you are/how much you know about genetics, but it was the first thing I noticed about it, and you might want to keep science in mind when creating looks for characters. That might just be because I'm a genetics nerd though, lol.)

So, fun fact, I have blue eyes inherited from my dad although my mother and sister both have brown eyes. It's a weird genetic mutation. I'm not exactly well rounded on the genetics front as I've only had very basic classes on it, so your advice is greatly appreciated.

His father is the one with blue eyes, while his mother has brown. His mom has some American lineage, so perhaps she has 50% brown 50% blue? Again I'm not aware of genetics and exactly how they work, but the face claim I used for him is half Mexican, and still has blue eyes, so there might be a possibility that this checks out. Anyway, I think I'm going to leave his eyes or make them green, cause honestly, I don't care an awful lot about eye color.

So quick lesson: Your parents have two alleles (variations) for each gene. The gene that we would be talking about here is eye color, so each of your parents have two variations of eye color that they're carrying. Sometimes, the two variations of eye color are the same (brown and brown, or green and green) and sometimes they're different (brown and blue). When you have two different alleles, one variation will be hidden by the other. Brown hides blue.

So, if both of your parents had brown eyes, that means that the only way that they could've had a blue-eyed child is by both of them carrying an allele for a brown and blue eye. You get one allele from each parent, and you got two blue alleles from both of them. There was no brown allele to hide the blue, so you ended up with blue eyes.

So, if your character's mother has both brown and blue alleles, the only way to have a blue eyed child is for the father to have brown and blue alleles as well.

I don't know if that made any sense, I'm not every good at explaining things lol, sorry. (Also I just figured out your parents genetics lolololol)