@stolenbrocoli I really love how Ana De La Cruz is a woman and is sexist towards women, its a real refresher you know? you always get the sexist men, the feminist men, and the feminist women, so a sexist woman towards women I think is a game-changer and I am ABSOLUTELY for it 100%!!! love that idea and it makes a cool, unique character.
also, please don't feel obligated to look at my characters, they're all just additions I think would fit nicely into novels and movies I read/watch. I really just like looking at other people's work, you know to maybe spark some inspiration.
once again don't EVER change Ana De La Cruz's sexism towards women. it's great. it's new. and it's interesting. love it
@ /Lauren thank you so much ! i actually made her sexist cos on the day that i made her i encountered a sexist women on instagram and it kinda inspired me ! it’s not something that’s portrayed very often and i it also plays a part in the progression of the story. :D
@stolenbrocoli so i need some help. ive been thinking about this character lately Samuel Hargreeves and I REALLY need someone else's opinion on the matter. he's a winged character who was part of a superhero group and he especially got a LOT of attention when he was a child (I dont know if you've seen or read the umbrella academy or not). but right now I have him as an anxious character who knows he'll never be able to fit in due to his physical differences. this causes him to hide in isolation. but right now I don't know if that makes any sense or if it's too predictable.
so if you would mind reading through his traits that would be great. and I would love your opinion… should I keep him as an isolated character, or should I change him to a more chronically egotistical (NPD) character whos always embraced his differences… if that makes any sense?
@ /Lauren I have watched the umbrella academy ! And, fair warning, i don't think i have a single character that isn't at least a little toxic, so i'm sorry if my suggestions add a bit of toxicity to your character.
And before i begin i have some questions:
Why does he want to erase the attention he got as a child and what kind of attention did he get from his family?
Why does he think he'll never blend in as much at his siblings when Luther stands out a lot? (though i do understand that being large is different than having wings but you get my point)
Is he atheist or agnostic, because i think the difference between the two can really give some insight to what kind of person he is?
Why would he never want to give up his wings if they've caused him so much pain and trouble and insecurity?
Now that i've asked my questions, lets get into my suggestions on what you should do with his insecurity.
If you go the egotistical route, i think you should make it something he really flaunts but you could do this in many ways
-you could make him stay good (which i'm assuming he is) and use his wings to help many more people than he could from the ground, but he could develop a bit of a hero complex
-you could also turn him into a villain. Make him reach a breaking point in his insecurity. Give him a thought process that's kind of like "if i can't hide my wings then i won't let people ridicule me for them"
Now, if you go the insecure route, you have more bland options.
-you could make him someone that helps plan things on the inside (if he has any strategic knowledge)
-or you could make him a useless hermit
But, you could also combine some of them
-he helps from the inside but realizes that he wants to do more, so he chooses to fight past his insecurities and help his siblings help people.
-he helps from the inside, but he hates that he isnt getting any recognition so he becomes an antagonist.
There are a lot of different combos you could do.
I'm personally into the idea of him turning into a villain (because i'm a sucker for toxic character development) but go with whichever of those appeals to you the most.
I hope i helped :)
@stolenbrocoli thank you thank you thank you!!!! this is exactly what I needed and definitely one of the most helpful critiques I have gotten. this means so much and you gave me a LOT to think on. I love the toxicity idea ;) very VERY much appreciated, this will help a lot. and one more thing. a quick answer too. are the wings too much? too… mary sue… as some would say?? is it an overdone thing do you think??? tell me honestly. i need to know.
Also (its absolutely not my place) but judging by your character sheet, it seems like you're completely inserting him into the umbrella academy universe, putting him into the exact situations they're put in, which i honestly don't recommend. It limits you so much creatively and its really hard to get him into the universe when the there are pre-established characters and scenes. But that's on the assumption that you're writing him into a story. If you're not, this is all perfectly okay. But if you are (i'm sorry if this seems harsh) no one wants to read a story they've already heard, just with little tweaks in it and an extra character (unless you aren't planning on sharing it with the world because if you aren't, once again, perfectly okay). I suggest writing your own story, maybe building off of where the series ended, or maybe an alternate universe type thing.
You are by no means obligated to listen to me ! You can do whatever you want, i'm just putting in my two cents (that no one asked for)
edit : i posted this before i saw your response sorry !
No they aren't too much. The wings are basically the whole character if i'm honest, so if you get rid of them he has less reason to be so insecure and generally just less drive.
@stolenbrocoli its not harsh at all!!! i totally see what you mean and where you're coming from. i have a lot to work on, I greatly appreciate it!!
of course ! If you need help with anything else, feel free to come here. I'm happy to give my opinion on stuff :D
@stolenbrocoli also, one more thing :) yes, for now, I just inserted him into the storyline. and I totally understand the limitations of that, but I'm currently waiting to receive the comic books so I can really indulge myself in the characters and storyline, and from there I can really build off the character and then write/add on to the pre-existing canon. totally get where you're coming from!!
Ok that's great ! Getting the comic books will really help to get a better sense of the nature of the series and it should help you a lot ! That's a great idea :D
Cherri needs a new name, I keep calling her "their mom" in my head T_T Maybe a flower or something naturey? idk any ideas guys?
I have some ideas. Maybe not all of them are super naturey but they're cute (and for some reason i feel like she needs a cute name)
-Amelia
-Aurelia
-Calla (like calla lilies?)
-Briar
-Faye
-soleil
these are all my ideas atm. Hope i helped !!
I really like Brair, I think I'll use that for Ferrin's girlfriend. She's the type to be named after a thornbush.;)
here's my universe!! feel free to critique any or all characters :)
@kingnocedas i took a look at your characters and i have some notes
in general
- i noticed that in the prejudices section, you listed things what the characters don't like about themselves or something like that, but prejudices are generally something held against a group of people (sexism, racism, classism, just to name a few).
- i think for all of them, you should dive deeper into their personalities and backstories to better explain their mannerisms, flaws, motivations, etc.
Kacela
- Even though she's not into politics, everyone falls somewhere on the spectrum of liberal to conservative (it seems like she might lean more towards liberal)
- just an inconsistency i think, but in the overview you said she was 17 as of july and in her history you said her birthday is in april (unless there's another reason for this)
- the background is a bit sparse, i recommend adding to it, maybe describing my she's so insecure (did someone in particular make her feel that way or is it because of societal standards), flaws, and stuff like that.
Karuko
- not a necessity, more of a curiosity, but maybe you could share what emotion triggers her cataplexy
- her politics aren't specific at all. everyone is going to have their own biased opinion on what "the good one" is
- everyone has some kind of motivation for something (motivations aren't always in school or work, sometimes it's social or personal or just for a goal of some kind)
- her background is also very small, which is kind of fine for more of a side character, but if you want her to have some more dimension, you should give her a heavier background
Nabila
- so there's the same problem here with a very scarce backstory
- a thing about her background though, both her parents turned out to be aromantic? that seems a bit strange, especially the fact that they didn't know and/or tell each other until she was 15.
- there's not much to say about her because there's kind of not much to go on
Yannika
- about her body type: muscle weighs more than fat. is she is as amazing a tennis player as it says, she would weigh more. tennis players generally don't build lean muscle. they're arms would be more bulky. and 117 lbs for her height is already like no-muscle level skinny. realistically, she would weigh more and have a different body type.
- So, this is also just a general thing, but adoptive parents are usually good. adoption is super expensive and most people don't do it unless they have a really good heart and good parenting skills because there's nothing to be gotten out of it. foster parents are usually the bad ones because they kind of get paid to foster kids.
- Also a general thing (and i don't know very much about autism), but the way she kind of carries her family seems a bit unrealistic to me. i'm not saying that she can't be a leader because of her disorder, but i don't think that she would be capable of carrying the whole family.
thank you so much! i'll definitely take these into account.
Any time ! I'm happy to help
