forum Critique and criticize my 3rd chapter

Started May 04, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

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Chapter 3: Azrael’s POV

I was in bed asleep when I started dreaming. In the dream, Vozreal appeared in front of me. I was standing in a field, in Ireland. Allison was in chains, on Vozreal’s left-hand side.

“Hello, Azrael Reaper,” Vozreal said.

“What do you want?” I asked as I tried to summon THE GRAVE (my scythe), but I failed.

“Not so powerful without your scythe, are you?” Vozreal taunted, “There’ll be a day where you and your scythe are separated, and that day will mark your undoing!” Vozreal finished. I woke up in a cold sweat. I rolled over to look at my alarm clock. 4:19 A.M. it showed.

“I have 3 hours and 2 minutes until I have to get up,” I mumbled to myself.

God, I love my life I thought, which wasn’t entirely true, but not entirely false either. I didn’t hate my life, but I didn’t love it. I tolerated it.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a Potato Beer (a type of beer that they only make in I-317, aka the Irish universe) out of the fridge. I opened it and took a sip of it. I sat down in front of the TV and turned it on. it was now 4:20 AM. I got the bong in front of me, and smoked a bit of it.
That's the stuff I thought as I smoked the bong that was in front of me.

I suggest editing for repetition and maybe figure out which details are really needed for the scene, and which kind of distract from it. Also consider adding more emotion to the scene by describing Azreal's thoughts and emotions in more depth. The way it is now, I feel kind of detached from the story as I'm reading it. Otherwise, the writing looks fine from what I can tell. ^^