forum Criticize My Character?

Started June 17, 2019 by @falseprophet group

tune

hey! this is my first time actually putting depth into a character and i need some help. please leave constructive criticism for me! thank you in advance!! <3

I like it, and if it helps, this is way more detailed than any of my characters on here. Good luck.

Harper looks really good! I do have a couple questions though.

• Does she have any other mannerisms related to her ADHD? Or is it just fidgeting? If you've already looked into ADHD completely and decided on this, then that's great! If not, I'd say probably do a little more research.
• How old is her sister? What's the age gap between them? I noticed you had a page for her sister already, but it might be useful to have both sets of information on both pages
• What kind of high school does she go to? I can assume public, but there are good public schools and then not so great ones. Which kind does she go to?
  Overall, she seems like a well thought-out and relatable character, and I'm sure her story will turn out amazing!

She immediately stands out as a unique protag, love that! Some possible inconsistencies I noticed:

• I get the impression that she is two-faced, and I'm unsure if that's what you were going for. Do you want the audience to sympathize with Harper? She's understandably biased towards people who can afford luxury, petty because of her own lot in life, but she's also prone to quick judgment: people who grow up in unfortunate circumstances tend to develop an appreciation for second chances, for being given the benefit of the doubt, for being given the chance to prove themselves, and often exhibit that behavior themselves, so it's odd that Harper would be quick to judge and condescend and shit-talk when that's something often associated with both ignorance and privilege. She has honorable intentions and motivations, so why is she so petty, judgmental, toxic even? Does she (can she?) have a close, genuine relationship with her friends if she's constantly jealous of them, and if she probably talks shit about them when they're not there? Talking shit is not exclusive to people you don't know well/don't really like, and it's possible that Harper running her mouth may create tensions inside the friend group, because how does she talk about them to other people, if that's how she talks about someone she doesn't even know?
• Some other questions: is she easy to read? Does she avoid eye-contact with strangers because she doesn't want them to see that she's judging them, or because she's anxious/shy around strangers, glancing around to plan escape routes? Is she open about her insecurities and problems with others? Does she try to fix her problems/beef with others through communication or does she complain and do nothing? The latter is the impression I get when you qualify her as a shit-talker, which contrasts with her being someone who's willing to work hard to get further in life.
• I took the liberty of looking up prices for ADHD meds, whether it's covered by insurance, etc. Does Harper have a psychiatrist? ADHD medicine can be bought at the nearest pharmacy, but how did Harper get diagnosed? Was it a regular clockwork doctor check-up or does she go see a specialist? A family with financial issues could probably not afford a psychiatrist. Was it a self-diagnose? Depending on her and her family's education (and this is often tied in with socio-economic status), Harper may not even be AWARE that there's such a thing as ADHD, a treatment for it, etc. Does her family have insurance? (You make it clear her family is poor, to the point of being unable to pay for the eventual hospital bills from a scoliosis surgery/ finding medicine for her joints. Insurance would generally (at least partially) cover the cost of this, but that in itself is costs money, which is why many families will avoid going to the doctor for very obvious problems because they can't afford a solution/medicine and they can't afford insurance. I might be nit-picking here haha.) All this to say, can Harper's family really afford to pay for ADHD medicine every two months, and does it actually work for Harper if it isn't prescribed?
• "Doesn't actively practice religion, says she doesn't have the time." But does she believe? You don't need to set aside time to believe in a God, to feel a spiritual connection and to live through that belief.

Overall she seems well-thought-out, good job! I tend to overthink things myself so fell free to ignore my comments, for all I know these are tiny details that no one cares about haha. Hope it was a little helpful, good luck!