forum Could someone please critique my character?
Started by @PaperCraneEnthusiast group
tune

people_alt 53 followers

@JuniperDreams group

You have a pretty solid character here!

One thing I did notice, and this is only because I have a friend who actually has ocular albinism, is that you only really had it affect her eyes. Despite what the name suggests, ocular albinism affects pigmentation on your entire body; hair, skin, eyes will all lack pigment. I doesn't matter what race your character is, they'll be really pale and really blonde. It also makes your eyesight REALLY bad, like legally blind bad. I don't think it's necessary for you to change your character's appearance based off of this, but maybe don't give her ocular albinism? She can just have pale blue eyes that don't work very well without being actually albino, because that is a health condition that affects more than just appearance. Just a note.

You should also probably flesh out her nature more; you have really only provided a short sentence at the most for all of these sections, when these should arguably be the longest, most fleshed out parts of her whole bio. Really get into her character and dig out the nitty gritty. Explain why her hobbies exist, how her conditions affect her daily life, why her motivation is what it is. Wanting people to live a good life is a good start, but its extremely vague and wouldn't encompass any more personal goals. That can be a good higher-arching motivation, but what really makes her choose between the less life-or-death kind of situations? When she's not in court, how does she dictate her choices?

Okay, so this next one is very common with beginning writers and can be hard to get around when you are attached to your character; none of her flaws… are flaws. They are more how she sees herself. And yes, maybe this plays into a larger flaw like a low self-confidence or something, but you have only listed things she thinks about HERSELF. What would someone else say her flaws are? If you asked any of her royal advisers, or a family member what aspects of her personality could be worked on, what would they say? And DON'T make them endearing flaws! Give her stuff that is actually unlikable so that she has a weakness to grow on! Get that third dimension into her personality!
Again, expand on her personality type. This should ideally be at least three sentences. You have a good base for all of this, just invest the time to really flesh her out further!

Her social looks pretty good, just make sure you are using the sections correctly (and these are some of the trickiest, I completely understand! I'm not trying to rag on you, I promise!):
–OCCUPATION is clearly what her career is. Simple as that.
–JOB is her role in the story, or what she adds to the plot; think of it less like what she does at work and more like what she does to further either your plot or characters. What is her main goal?
–POLITICS aren't strictly how she's involved in politics, this section should be more of an alignment chart deal; how does she view authority? Does she follow the rules? Does she act for the greater good or for her own personal gain? etc.

I think we need a little more background than that. Give us a bit of a life story, tell us why her parents stepped down! Being Queen at 15 sounds tough! I would love to understand why her parents made the choice for her to assume that role so early!

Again, I'm sorry if any of that came off as harsh; I am used to giving thorough, blunt critiques due to my experience in art school, and that doesn't always translate well into writing, I'm afraid. You have an excellent base for Veda, and I can tell you have a strong visual concept behind her. Just spend some more time in her head to really iron out the details and flesh her out into a three-dimensional character, and you'll have something strong to work with! :D

((Also PS, your drawing is super super cute! If you wouldn't mind I would actually love to draw her, as well!))

@PaperCraneEnthusiast group

Thank you for the critique! As to the drawing part, I would love it if you drew her. But to clear something up: I didn’t draw her, my much more artistic twin sister did. Still, thank you for the critique and I will be sure to work on her.

@JuniperDreams group

Thank you for the critique! As to the drawing part, I would love it if you drew her. But to clear something up: I didn’t draw her, my much more artistic twin sister did. Still, thank you for the critique and I will be sure to work on her.

Awesome! (And no way! I have a twin as well!) I'm here for advice if you ever need any :)

@PaperCraneEnthusiast group

Thank you for the critique! As to the drawing part, I would love it if you drew her. But to clear something up: I didn’t draw her, my much more artistic twin sister did. Still, thank you for the critique and I will be sure to work on her.

Awesome! (And no way! I have a twin as well!) I'm here for advice if you ever need any :)

Do people get you and your twin mixed up a lot? I have done some more “fleshing out” for her character, maybe could you look at it again if you have the time?

@I-make-stuff

Okay, this is for Evie. Here we go!

  • Appearance:
    How short is her hair? Like, where does it go down to (her elbows, her waist, etc.)?
    Also, I really like the thing with the tattoos of different plants. That's really cool.
  • Nature:
    Why does she neglect herself in terms of self-care vs. caring for others? Poor management or planning, or self-directed apathy?
    She's oddly persistent and annoying - how does this come out? Is this when she wants to help someone who wants to be left alone?
    Oh, okay. She has esteem issues. The personality type section was very well fleshed out! Good job.
  • History:
    How'd a very caring person get tangled up being friends with an assassin/helping an assassin? Does Evie know that her friend works as this? Or is this normal in your universe?

She definitely needs more fleshing out, but the stuff you have so far is intriguing. Good job, and continue to expand!