forum Could someone critique my Paranormal Investigators

Started April 19, 2019 by Caboose

tune

So I'm thinking of doing a story with these two called Ash and Richter. Richter is a Paranormal Investigator for the Supernatural, Investigation, Enforcement, Division or The S.I.E.D. He is currently sharing his body with a violent evil spirit that turns him into a demonic monster version of himself. He has enough control to only harm evil people.

Jacqueline Ash comes from a long line of monster hunters and has a dark past. Her uncle Tobias has trained her to kill from the age of 15 she's 28 and finally ready to go solo or so she thinks when she interrupts Richter's latest case and has to now help him out. The two eventually get along form a duo.

I'm going back to refine the character profile so it'd be awesome if someone could critique both.

Richter -Richter
Jacqueline Ash -Jacqueline Ash

Hello there! I’m gonna critique your children now.

Firstly, your character Richter!

I think that Richter has a pretty good foundation, but one thing I think you could elaborate on is how you said he changes his personality based on where he is and what not. He doesn’t seem like a person who needs other people to like him, but maybe he is and I’m just misinterpreting him. On the other hand, does he adapt so that people pay less attention to him, or more? Just a wee bit more detail on why he feels the need to change himself would be great!

Another thing I noticed that affects both Richter and Jacqueline is how they can both be too quick to anger and make decisions. It seems like their partnership would be a bit lopsided if they are both reckless and brash. Maybe one could be more cautious than the other, a little more prone to think things out first? That’s just my recommendation, but you in no way have to listen!

Otherwise, I think Richter is great! I would add a bit more about how his personality was before his possession, but that’s pretty much it! Good job!

Alright, on to Jacqueline!

First off, I would add some more to her prejudice section. She hates demons, which is fully understandable, but are their certain types of people that get under her skin too? Suck-ups, people afraid to have their own opinions, those who laugh at the possibility of the supernatural, etc? Her opinions on people are important to understanding her as a character too!

Secondly, how does she feel about spending most of her life training to kill demons? Has she ever aspired to any other career, before or after her parents got killed? Does she ever wish she could just leave the supernatural behind and live out her life in peace? I just feel like that it could be interesting if there was some conflict there, and giving a character some kind of hobby can contribute to some zEsTy subplots.

Awesome job with these two! I really enjoyed critiquing them, and I hope you have fun with them, as they seem quite interesting!

Toodles!

Thx you did bring up some interesting points that I will think about. The thing with Jacqueline's past is she started her training at 15 and didn't really have a clue of what else she wanted to do. And your spot on with Richter he sort of changes to make sure fewer people care about him or get close to him. As of now, Jacqueline is proud of being a demon hunter.

The reason I made them both quick to anger is they are supposed to be almost like siblings and constantly fighting. Like 2 alpha badasses fighting for the top spot at first but eventually realising they might as well stop bickering. So their bickering turns to banter.

It has been tough figuring out Richter's personality but I will definitely get more into it. Since I do plan on giving him a better backstory than him telling people to fuck off. So far he's a doctor who got possessed, went on a criminal murder spree. Got picked up by the S.I.E.D. Was assigned as a medic to a suicide mission. On the mission, almost the entire team died. Those he tried to save died because of the demon inside him it made him complete the mission and the others all died. So Richter was repurposed into a field agent. So far he's worked better alone and hasn't risked other agent lives.

But you were spot on when you said he doesn't need other people to like him. I think now that I can put a sentence to it I might be able to think about that more easily. so thx for your help. Also, I will make sure now that I will make up a character who annoys the shit out of Jacqueline.

Glad I was able to help! :)