forum Could Somebody Give Me Feedback on my Character?
Started by @cheddarface
tune

people_alt 3 followers

@Wry_Wyvern

Looks:
-150 lbs is underweight for a 6 ft male, especially one said to be muscular. Unless vampires are lightweight as a race, add 20, maybe 30 lbs depending on how muscular you want him to be.
Nature:
-Where are his mannerisms?? If he ever interacts with anyone at all, he needs them! Think about how he carries himself, his tone of voice, words/phrases he frequently uses, tells, anything he unthinkingly does when (insert emotion here). Some examples would be pacing when nervous, fidgeting, slouching, using 300-year-old slang, glaring at people, I could go on and on.
-Look at an MBTI personality test to further develop him. (https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test) You could also add some more individual traits (ex. ruthless, analytical, irrational, impatient)
-Think about his motives. What does he want power over, and why does he want power so badly? If you find the answer to be "just because," then you're going to have a boring character. I guess a better question would be, what does he plan to do with that power once he has it and why is doing that thing so important to him?
-I have no problem with morally incorrect characters, but why is he like this and to what extent? Unless he's mentally ill in some way, he shouldn't be completely devoid of morals and feelings.
-He seems kind of like a generic bad guy. Add some more things that make him a unique individual. Maybe he's really good at singing. Maybe he likes to cook. Maybe over the 300 years he's lived, he has done more than torture people, do magic, and run after power.
Social:
-Again, he seems like that cold, vicious, heartless bad guy who gets defeated in the end by the Power of Friendship™ (I notice he has no friends). A powerful, emotionless villain is not a fun villain- to write or to read.
-What is the Balance? How does his religion factor into his motives? (What I'm looking for here is a reason why this guy is so evil. Religion is a great excuse to have people do bad things. Or maybe his religion isn't a factor in why he's the bad guy, and that's fine, but he needs something.)
History:
-This guy needs a backstory. How did he get to be where he is now? What key past events caused him to be who he is?
Gallery:
-The art is awesome.
Ok so from what I've read, I'm thinking that Elrond could be either or both of these:
-Over-the-top evil, loves causing misery and destruction, drowns puppies for fun, etc.
-Selfish, wants to control everything, everything he does is for personal gain.
Either way, he fell a bit flat. You could definitely flesh him out a little more, especially his personality and motives. If you're having trouble with this, one of my favorite things to ask myself is how the character is vulnerable. What makes them "soft," why, and how can it be exploited?

@cheddarface

Thanks so much!! As I read through your comments I realized that I already had answers to all of these dilemas. Yes, as a race vampires are lightweight. The reason for this is because their bodies are built to fly. This is the updated link: Count Elrond Vlad Azzerad
Again, thank you so much for this!! :)

@Riorlyne pets

[Sorry for this tangent -
@qwertyuiop
This question has been bugging me for a little bit so I thought I'd ask - what do you mean when you ask what a character's tells are? I thought in Ben's feedback thread that it was a typo or something, but I've noticed that when you give feedback on other characters that little word 'tells' comes up again and again. What does it refer to? I've never seen it used that way before (but then I'm Australian so there are a few unknown phrases I've come across on here). I'd love to know!]