forum Could anyone help me with my character?

Started June 18, 2019 by @hyunjins-eyemole

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I am trying to make Autumn but I just can’t figure out how to really make her develope as a character. Here is a link to her.

Hello! Random, I've always loved the name Autumn. Anyway, on to the critique!

Looks
I usually don't comment much on looks, but you've made Autumn quite underweight! Is there a reason she's so bony? Sixteen year old girls aren't typically under 100lbs, especially since she isn't unusually short. You've described her as being graceful and thin, but in actuality she'd be rather bony. You've also made her unusually beautiful. What are her flaws? Does she have to have waist length hair, crystal blue eyes, and beautiful "not pasty" skin? If she's so skinny and pale, and she's only sixteen, there's no way she'd be that "conventionally" beautiful. Try and make her appearance just a bit more relatable, unless of course there's a reason she's so gorgeous. As an aside, how did she get the scars on her spine?

Nature
Mannerisms are little, physical actions that are performed habitually and mostly subconsciously. So does she play with her hair when she's embarrassed, or does she look at her feet, or does she chew her nails? When she's sad, is she an ugly crier, does she hide her emotions, does she bite her tongue? Etc. Try and figure out what her body does when she's experiencing different emotions. You could also figure out her speech pattern. Does she yell? Does she talk over people? Is she too quiet? Is her voice raspy? Her motivation is a bit vague and not really a protagonist type of motivation. A protagonist's motivation should be the driving force of the plot. To not be a disappointment is very vague and doesn't seem to have a clear direction –who is she afraid of disappointing? How does this effect her? How does this effect the world around her? How does this effect the story? As for her flaws, if she's afraid of being a disappointment, you can read a few things from that. Maybe she's introverted, maybe she's afraid of whoever she doesn't want to disappoint, maybe she has lashes out, maybe she hates feeling vulnerable, or maybe she is really vulnerable. Try and picture what type of flaws would really aggravate her and get in her way. I like her talents and hobbies a lot! However, her personality type leaves something to be desired. Really imagine her as a living, breathing person. Ask her questions, get to know her! Maybe even ask other characters about their perceptions of her. And then tell me about her.

Social
For her politics, saying she's a princess is vague. What kinds of policies does she believe in? Is she content with the current political ideologies? Does she want change? Is she more traditional or forward thinking? What types of policies would she want in place if she were to rise to power? For her favorite color…what is the color of the galaxies? Just out of curiosity, lol. Why is her amulet her favorite possession? How did she get it?

History
Well, here's the biggest chunk of what's missing. She needs MUCH more backstory. What was her upbringing like? What was her relationship with her family like? What did she struggle with? What does she still struggle with? What type of friends does she have? What made her into who she is today? The background is the most important part of a protagonist, after motivation (arguably). Make sure to really flesh that out!

Overall
This is really a skeleton of a character. She has potential, but she needs a lot of work. Good luck!

Thank you so much! A question though, so I will include this [her mother let’s her eat very few things and I’m small amounts] I am unsure of a good weight, seeing that I am 13, I am 5’3” and weigh 72 pounds (I just checked) and I am not skin and bones (at least I don’t think so) what do you think is an appropriate weight.

You could try using a BMI calculator! There's a separate one for adults and kids. It's what I use to find weights that make sense.

Ok! Thanks! I just updated Autumn, is it getting any better?

She's much better! However, I now have a few new pointers…

If you're going the eating disorder route, DO NOT romanticize it. If she's slender and graceful, be sure to make her hair brittle or have her prone to passing out or any other symptoms of anorexia. Anorexia is not pretty, it's tragic and it's dangerous. Be sure to really highlight the ill effects of an eating disorder, both the physical and mental effects.

Another thing I've noticed (and admittedly it's a bit off topic) is that in creating a tragic backstory for Autumn, you run the risk of creating a one dimensional villain in her mother. I'd love to have a look at/critique her mother tbh, she sounds interesting and I'd like to understand her side of things.

Anyway other than that you've done a pretty good job fleshing her out!

Yeah, I’m working on the mom today. I’m hoping to really put a lot of sympathy into her. I mean she did watch her husband die. All lot of the murder scenes will be through her point of view.