Hey, everyone!
This is a forum for new worldbuilders to interact, critique each others' characters, and get pointers from experienced members! I'll be on hand to give you some tips if you'd like, and other experienced members (ex. @purpleconverse) can feel free to join in and give tips also.
Have fun and don't be afraid to put your character out there! ~Jak
Hi there, Caboose! Here are my thoughts on Adam Creel:
~So, his weight is a bit high for his age and size, but maybe I'm wrong if it's supposed to be that way.
~How long is his hair? Does it expose his ears or cover them?
~What kind of white is his skin? Tanned? Fair? Does he have freckles?
~Where is his body type athletic? Does he have muscular arms? Are his fingers long? Are his legs thin and lanky or bulging with muscle? Does he have visible abdominals?
~Why does he like murder? Is he a sadist or mentally unstable? Is he a soldier or an assassin?
~I am an experienced archer, and it isn't really possible to split an arrow (wooden or aluminum) without even using a mental site picture unless you're unrealistically supernatural at archery.
~What is the personal item he thought he lost? How might he have lost it? Where did he find it?
~Why does he kill the men who trained him to be a serial killer? What does he feel like he gains personally from his revenge?
~Okay, so now I'm starting to get the arrow-splitting w/out looking superpower after looking at the rest of his profile, but still, you absolutely 100% have to at least take a peek at what you're shooting at to be accurate.
I hope that this helped and that your understanding of profiling has expanded some. If there are any choices you made that you want to justify, that's totally alright, and you don't have to take any of my suggestions, but I'm glad to help! ~Jak
Hello, @"Karen, take your three kids and leave"! Here are my suggestions for Dorian (sorry if I'm picky):
~Your detail in the "Looks" category is pretty impressive, but I have one question: what kind of white is her skin? Is it grayish from lack of sunlight and stress? Does she have freckles or rings around her eyes from exhaustion? Does it tan easily or burn to a crisp at the beach?
~For "Facial Hair," I normally put in details about eyelashes and eyebrows if there's nothing else to add, so you might consider doing that for Dorian, but it's just a suggestion.
~In "Mannerisms," I love how you described her attitudes towards certain people, but it's often recommended that you add what she does when she's feeling certain emotions, too. Does she fidget when she's nervous? Does her eye twitch when she's mad? When she's sad, does she cry openly or keep it all inside? It's great for reference while writing.
~Survival and Justice are all well and fine, but Justice for whom, and Survival in what?
~She's impulsive and reckless in what situations? What becomes of her relationships and motivations when her flaws cause trouble for her and her friends?
~Dorian is good at singing, but how does she know? Does she sing in her free time, and should that justify an addition to the "Hobbies" field? What kind of things does she paint (just curious on this one)?
~Who taught her how to read and write? When and where?
~Ooh, just a thought, what if one of her parents was good and one of them was evil and that was what caused the mutation?
Other than that, Dorian is a pretty complex character, with both good and evil in her (I can say the same for Adam Creel by Caboose). Good luck writing that novel! ~Jak
Hello, @"Karen, take your three kids and leave"! Here are my suggestions for Dorian (sorry if I'm picky):
~Your detail in the "Looks" category is pretty impressive, but I have one question: what kind of white is her skin? Is it grayish from lack of sunlight and stress? Does she have freckles or rings around her eyes from exhaustion? Does it tan easily or burn to a crisp at the beach?
~For "Facial Hair," I normally put in details about eyelashes and eyebrows if there's nothing else to add, so you might consider doing that for Dorian, but it's just a suggestion.
~In "Mannerisms," I love how you described her attitudes towards certain people, but it's often recommended that you add what she does when she's feeling certain emotions, too. Does she fidget when she's nervous? Does her eye twitch when she's mad? When she's sad, does she cry openly or keep it all inside? It's great for reference while writing.
~Survival and Justice are all well and fine, but Justice for whom, and Survival in what?
~She's impulsive and reckless in what situations? What becomes of her relationships and motivations when her flaws cause trouble for her and her friends?
~Dorian is good at singing, but how does she know? Does she sing in her free time, and should that justify an addition to the "Hobbies" field? What kind of things does she paint (just curious on this one)?
~Who taught her how to read and write? When and where?
~Ooh, just a thought, what if one of her parents was good and one of them was evil and that was what caused the mutation?
Other than that, Dorian is a pretty complex character, with both good and evil in her (I can say the same for Adam Creel by Caboose). Good luck writing that novel! ~Jak
So actually the problem with a mutation being born of a Good and Evil is that Goods give birth to Evils and vice versa. So pretty much whenever someone is born they have a twin who is their opposite. I'm working on a reason that evolution is getting rid of straight good or evil and more mutations are being born. Thanks for the feedback!
So actually the problem with a mutation being born of a Good and Evil is that Goods give birth to Evils and vice versa. So pretty much whenever someone is born they have a twin who is their opposite. I'm working on a reason that evolution is getting rid of straight good or evil and more mutations are being born. Thanks for the feedback!
You're welcome! If the novel is in a public space (like storybird.com), I'd love the link!
Hi @Jakaila_Kelly . I am in desperate need of help in fleshing out my characters . Are you currently working with one person at a time or can i send the links for you to critique?
Hi @Jakaila_Kelly . I am in desperate need of help in fleshing out my characters . Are you currently working with one person at a time or can i send the links for you to critique?
Oh, there's no individual basis. It is first come, first serve, but as long as I get the link(s), I'll take a look at your character(s). ~Jak
thanks! here's the link to one of my mains Ronette Begonia Walters
Hello, DaikonJoe! Here are my thoughts on Persephone:
~So far, this is pretty good. My one suggestion for facial hair (this is just my opinion) is that you could add details about eyebrows and eyelashes if you'd like more depth.
~For mannerisms, I like how you put how she is normally, but usually, it's a good idea to also add what she does when she's feeling certain things. Does she flush when she's flustered or excited or angry? Is she stoic in the face of scrutiny or laughter? Does she bite her nails when she's thinking or scratch her wrist when she's feeling awkward? I'd just go more into depth here.
~Does she know what year she was born?
~There's literally no backstory! Every character comes from somewhere, and it's up to you to tell us what makes Persephone have good posture or why Persephone has trouble with little kid emotions. Why is she always sunburned? Did her parents have very fair skin, too? What's happened in her life that makes her who she is?
~Wow! There are a lot of details about what she likes and dislikes in your notes, and that is pretty admirable. Now, be sure to make sure they're significant in the storyline, and if they are, explain why! You have a great start, and I'd love for it to continue to the final sentence.
Thanks for letting me take a look at Persephone's profile! I hope that my (blunt) suggestions were helpful to you.
Thank you ! I'll be sure to update her bio and write out her backstory in the near future . Your feedback was very much appreciated :)
Do you also help with world building @Jakaila_Kelly ?
Can you critique these two?
could you critique my character Jamie??
Do you also help with world building @Jakaila_Kelly ?
Sorry, I was away from my laptop for the weekend. Sure, you can show me some locations, items, etc. I don't have much experience with that, but I'll try my best to help!
Can you critique these two?
Alrighty! Here are my thoughts on Otis:
~Pretty specific so far, I've got a suggestion for facial hair, though. It's just something I do to fill the space, but it can be helpful for stories and such: maybe add info about his eyelashes and eyebrows? It's facial hair, too!
~For body type, does he have long legs or skinny fingers? Are his shoulders slumped or does he have muscular calves? You can just add info about how his body is structured and maybe even why it's like that.
~For mannerisms, you might want to put a few more things. You have a great start! But if you want a reference for when he's sad or frightened or angry (etc.), you might want to add mannerisms for those emotions too.
~Why doesn't he want to become a celebrity? What's with his aversion to being noticed? Just try to be more specific in that area.
~I love how you included his personality type so vividly, including both notes about him and his personality type (Defender). Did you use 16 Personalities or something similar?
~Why is his pale blue hoodie significant to him? Does it remind him of something? Was it given to him by someone he loves?
~What year was Otis born?
~I like your information in the "Notes" section, but I think that some of it would be better suited for the Mannerisms category.
Here are my thoughts on Nicole:
~Same as what I said for Otis on facial hair.
~Also the same about mannerisms. Just more expansion there.
~What drives her to want to make a difference in someone's life? Is there something that helped shape this desire?
~Does she actually have OCD or is she just super organized? If she's just picky about organization, I wouldn't put it down as OCD, and if she does have OCD, I would place it in Personality Type like Otis's Asperger's Syndrome.
~I saw that you put Otis's letter personality type, but there is none for Nicole! Maybe try looking at personality types/16 Personalities/etc. for a type that suits her?
~Why is her stuffed monkey so important to her? Where did she get it from?
~Your notes are quite a bit smaller than Otis's! There isn't much there except the type of clothes she wears, and I think that the part about her legs could be added just as easily to Body Type. Do what you wish with Notes, but I would add some other things that might be significant to the story.
~I like how you added a Speech file. Do you think there's anything like that you could add to Otis's profile? I mean, it's just a suggestion, but it'll beef up his profile significantly.
~You could add the information about the clothing in Notes to the Clothing folder, too. There's just a bit of disorganization here that I think you might want to clear up.
I hope my suggestions helped! Good luck with your story! ~Jak
could you critique my character Jamie??
Hi, bailey.bouvier.
I'm sorry, but I got a 404 page. Could you try making your character public? ~Jak
Thank you so much, Jakaila!
Thank you so much, Jakaila!
You're welcome! :) ~Jak
Could you take a look at Vega? I know I still have to work on her definite details, and some of the linked characters don't really have names, but can you tell me what you think so far? I'm trying to take my time with my characters so that I know that they are good, so it doesn't look that good right now. https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/544443/edit#overview_panel
Could you take a look at Vega? I know I still have to work on her definite details, and some of the linked characters don't really have names, but can you tell me what you think so far? I'm trying to take my time with my characters so that I know that they are good, so it doesn't look that good right now. https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/544443/edit#overview_panel
Hey, Kylie! There's just one problem: you need to make Vega public. There should be an icon with three connected dots below the picture of the people around a campfire. Click on that and switch Vega's setting to "public". Otherwise, there's nothing I can do for you. I hope this helped! ~Jak
Sorry! Here: Vega Clarimonde Hopefully it works now