forum Character help and critique

Started November 01, 2018 by DaikonJoe

tune

Greetings! I am in need off assistance in creating and fleshing out my characters.

hey i can help!! do u think you can link whatever character(s) you already have?

I think I also need help! I think my character Nova is pretty much perfect, but take a look at her please, I worked really hard~

ok @"Euric Knight"
so this is all obviously just some ideas to consider. disregard it all if you want. i was a bit harsh because that's what i'm like for ALL critiques.

1. not sure how she can be girly but a huge tomboy at the same time. I'm not entirely sure if it's even possible.
2. so she's not SUPER underweight, but she's at least 10 pounds underweight. add why. does she diet? exercise? there's not many ways you can be quite underweight and healthy without some healthy methods.
3. "Super duper DUPER cut pigtails!" what does this mean. clarify a bit.
4. how do blue eyes look like the moon?? last i checked the moon was white.
5. "Human, unicorn, angel, demon, vampire!!!!" asdhaklerhwevlkra what. how can she be that many? is she a shape shifter? how is she a bit unicorn (don't tell me. a human. did the nasty with a unicorn.)
6. how does her skin tone change? does it stay pale colors or does it go straight-up deep maroon sometimes? when and why does it change? is it a slow process? can she change it at will? how is she all of those races at once? is this a fantasy thing where these races all coexist in harmony? if not, how in all of heck is she all of them, especially if everyone else is human??
7. "She's really cute and petite!!" cute i don't understand. petite is ok. is she a rectangle? a pear? an hourglass? (please for the love of god don't make her a barbie doll).
8. identifying marks - um what. are they makeup. if they are natural how?? add more identifying marks. how would someone discern her in a crowd or in a picture (minus her fame?)
9. "She's super nice and cute and popular but so many people bully her!!!" this is not a mannerism. a mannerism is a way that someone talks. why would people bully her if she's nice and cute and popular? don't make them hate her for no reason. that's just unreal and really annoying.
10. what is the purpose of the story? if she goes on a quest, why? the motivations often depend on the story. if the story is just her doing concerts and stuff, then the motivations are okay, but think about spicing up the story.
11. "She's so clumsy and such a mess!! She'd lose her head if it wasn't attached!" okay. add more. she needs personality flaws. something that will make her relatable and not cookie-cutter perfect.
12. prejudices are unfounded hate for an unrealistically generalized group of people. for example racism is an example of an extreme prejudice, whereas someone (an example. not me don't worry) might hate all republicans or democrats because of the representation of their group. please give her some prejudices, even small. we all have them, even if they're tiny and almost unnoticable.
13. "She's so good at everything" absolutely NOT. i appreciate that you've given her at least one semi-flaw (that she's terrible at cooking) but she can't be "so good at everything". just unrealistic, unrelatable and kind of annoying to read in stories tbh.
14. "She's sooooo nice and giving to everyone around her!! " more of a personality please. if she's like this why the heck is she bullied? we need some flaws to counteract this angelic perfection.
15. little tip - don't put "i want to be her friend" in there. don't use "i". don't put personal opinions, especially if she isn't real.
16. "school academy" uh. please give it a name. in all honesty i don't mean any offense but this made me chuckle a bit. you've basically named it "school school" lol
17. "Her parent ignored her and she hated herself :(((( but her boyfriend and soulmat Sonic let her move is with him!!! >///<" why, since when, she's a literal pop star if her parents ignored her how did she become that? what turned her into the person she is today?? how is she a pop star if she's still in high school? it's pretty rare for that to happen. when did Sonic let her move in? when did she meet him?
18. SONIC - how does she know he's her soulmate??? at 17?? is this a soulmate au?? in which case say so.

so. in all honesty she could use just a bit of development. unless this was your intention, then DEFINITELY make her less perfect. at this point she kind of seems like that perfect cookie-cutter angel that never did anything wrong but is still for some reason bullied, even though she's a pop star.
sorry. i was pretty harsh. good job so far, you've got some good information down, but has room for improvement if you want to add it.
this is just a tip obviously and you don't have to take it at all, but maybe consider using more formal language such as less exclamation points and more clarification instead of words like "designer and cute" for clothes. it's your choice tho!!

Okay first off this is the best creation I have ever made and you have NO RIGHT to make fun of her like this. If you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all, okay sweetie?

I made everything VERY clear. Her school is called School Academy. She and Sonic are just meant to be~~~~~ Her parents were really mean to her and she followed her passion of singing after she left. And she's good at all of the skills she currently KNOWS.

Her pigtails are just ADORABLE okay?? It's meant to say CUTE not CUT. That should be obvious~

Okay first off this is the best creation I have ever made and you have NO RIGHT to make fun of her like this. If you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all, okay sweetie?

you know what i'm just gonna be here ROFL LMAOOOOOOOOOOO
i t i s c a l l e d a c r i t i q u e y o u h a v e n o r i g h t t o m a k e f u n o f m y c r i t i q u i n g
s t y l e

I'm taking this VERY seriously (shut up @Graveyard_Ghoul) maybe you shouldn't be so incompetent to my AMAZING work!!!!~

I'm taking this VERY seriously (shut up @Graveyard_Ghoul) maybe you shouldn't be so incompetent to my AMAZING work!!!!~

o b v i o u s l y i'm just stupid :S

I agree with you there. Good. Bye.

D: I have been d u p e d

(I’m laughing so hard cuz they got a dare to make a super cringey character and pretend to take it seriously)

thank god because the entire time i was like
how do i tell them. nicely. that they should b u r n it