forum Character- Feel free to bash it!
Started by Claire
tune

people_alt 9 followers

@CinnamonRoll

Oh! Oh! I remember her!! Here, top down….

Hmm… first off, you say that she was born male, right? So why would she have an hourglass figure? If it's magic, SWEET!! If not, I would change that bit.

Okay, she wants a large family, but is also selfish. I honestly think that this is fine, I would just go a little more in-depth with the specifics of each thing so that they can work better in tandem.

Not bad on the backstory! Definitely explains all of her relationships. I would tie in a few more of her feelings–did her time in the pack make her more selfish? Is the pack community what made her want a large family? Again, relations are perfect; just throw in a little more about those traits! It really helps to tie them down.

Overall, DEFINITELY well done. Very strong traits and backstory, with an interesting character concept.

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

@joufflucharlie

Fantastic follow-up to Shinryaku! You have quite an amazing duo going here.
The looks page does a good job of creating a realistic image of a hybrid creature that would otherwise be hard to picture. Good job there. So far, personality type and flaws go in conjunction well enough, but I think a few more descriptors and details could be added to personality type, such as more trait-like things.
Same as the last critique, I would recommend attempting to fill in all of the blanks under the social section, as the ground the character in realism a bit more, giving the audience a tangible connection to the character. It truly goes a long way!
Backstory is very interesting and compelling. You really did a fantastic job in that department. Although I would maybe just add in a sentence or two about her emotional development based on the events that happened to her in her backstory.
These two character have been amazing! I'm hungry for more! Keep going!