Give me your characters, I'll read their biography things, and tell you what I loved and what I think you could improve on. I will be completely honest so be prepared for that. I'm excited to see some of your characters!
-AAA Batteries
And I was just trying to develop my characters better! How convenient :)
And I was just trying to develop my characters better! How convenient :)
So, there is a lot to talk about here, first, who is this aunt character, and why does she affect Lyl so much? I don't believe a tone of voice could cause PTSD, so is there something she was saying to her that caused this? Idk. I feel like it could be an emotional scar, but maybe not to the extent you have written it.
I love the idea of being bound to a demon that only you can see, it sounds like something I'd write lol. I also like the amount of depth there seems to be to the world, and how Lyl interacts with it.
I think there should be a few more good things about her, because even though she is a well written character for say, she is obviously written to be a no-good evil villain. If your trying to go for a more sypathetic antagonist, add one more positive trait, like maybe that if she really trusts someone, she can be one of the most loyal and caring people you know. Or something of the sort.
Also she looks cool as shit so A+ in that department.
On the aunt thing, reading it again I see how you're confused, I didn't mention it while writing it down here for some reason but her aunt was physically abusive, beat her during magic training and often forced her to sleep outside at night if she didn't do well enough. I think when I originally filled that part out her aunt wasn't as bad, so there's an inconsistency :/ And I agree, so far her characterization is just her as a villain and victim, not much about her as a person. I'll need to think on that.
Also I'm very glad she comes off as no-good evil villain because the whole starting premise of the book was that it was from the villains point of view
Warning: Her page is a bit of work in process https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/726243/edit
@Darkblossom I'm glad I could help!
Hello! I saw this and wanted some feed back on one of my characters!
Sorry if my character is really crappy guys. I'm new here and still need to do somethings.
Warning: Her page is a bit of work in process https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/726243/edit
Okay, so reading this, I felt as if something was missing. It's hard to explain. At the same time, I almost feel like that her near lack of personality in itself is enough to make her a great character, if used correctly. Just something to ponder on.
I accidentally got sucked into the entire soul fragments universe and now officially want to learn more, and oh shit now I'm reading almost all the 63 characters in this universe. So uh good job with writing that. Anyway back to Ava.
Her history is what I've been staring at for the past 10 minutes, trying to make sense of what it means. There's more juice to be harvested there, same for her ark. I don't have much else to say other than I think a bit more development may be necessary, especially compared to characters like William Crowworth.
Hello! I saw this and wanted some feed back on one of my characters!
I think she's an okay character, actually. There is a simple, yet defined story, and while here on notebook that is sometimes looked down upon, it is actually better in the long run. I think there should definitely be a bit more conflict within herself over being rejected and kicked out of the daemon world, and that her past should affect her view of angels, especially towards the beginning. This would make quite the nice middle-grade novel, or junior fiction, might even be a best-seller. ;)
Hi!! I just finished this character and I'd love an outsider's perspective on her! If you have time, I would really appreciate it if you could critique her + note some things I did well. Thanks!!
Hi!! I just finished this character and I'd love an outsider's perspective on her! If you have time, I would really appreciate it if you could critique her + note some things I did well. Thanks!!
This is great. You seem to have a very complex understanding of human emotion. I don't have any criticism.
@AAA_Batteries thank you so much!! That means a lot and thank you for taking the time to read through her profile :)
Heyo, do you think you could do Felix and/or Abel?
(my god that's a lot of pages, and yep I can)
Heyyyy it's me again. Could you give feed back on this new character?
(yup)
Heyyyy it's me again. Could you give feed back on this new character?
okay, I understand that you are most likely younger than many of us here. I do believe that this is a little on the edgy side, and that a bit more complex character development is necessary. Perhaps another positive trait, or good things that have happened to her? Also, she seems to be a little too human for the FNAF universe. A few more animatronic cat features would make her fit better. This is just my opinion, let your creativity do what it must!
Ty @AAA_Batteries!
Your welcome lol
Giving this a shot because I've been struggling with this character—with relating to him, and allowing him to have his own story. I'm taking a break from this project for a bit cause it feels a tad over my head but maybe an objective voice could help :)
(Gonna add—this story was originally inspired by my great grandfather's experience in WW2. I've cut the apron strings a little and am letting myself take more creative freedoms but the reason I had been struggling with his character is that he was originally supposed to be a fictional version of my great-grandfather. Do with that what you wish. Also feel free to ask anything about being a Hutterite if you need clarity on stuff.)
Dis Nate Yarrow Frost
And this is Yarrow Yarrow Frost
Pick one!
I still need to fill out Grace and a few others.
Hiya! Could you take a look at my girl Pike? Be as harsh and nitpicky as you want I don't mind at all!
Dis Nate Yarrow Frost
And this is Yarrow Yarrow Frost
Pick one!I still need to fill out Grace and a few others.
these are both Yarrow lol, but they do seem like a very well-written character. Kinda reminds me of one of my favorite rp characters. This is one of the first times I've seen someone write the stereotypical "edgy backstory" of homelessness, depression, PTSD, all that shit, while it still being realistic. Yarrow almost feels like the kind of person I'd hang out with, like a close friend.
UPDATE: just dug around a little and found Nate's page. He is well written, but I do feel like there is something missing, that thing that makes him a real person. Try adding a little hint of odd to his character, as that is what I feel can push characters from good to remarkable. Like a deep, dark secret he shares with no one, or that he always carries a seemingly useless object with him. Something like that.