forum Character Critique

Started January 17, 2018 by Evenstar

tune

A place where people can share their characters and get others thoughts on them.

I really like it!! But I think that the dogs name is a little cliché.

It really is… I do plan to change it I just couldn't think something up at that moment. Thanks for reminding me!! <3 :)

@childoftheuniverse fantastic. He sounds like he is going to be a great character. I can see much potential for character development.

Thanks!

@childoftheuniverse Ok, so I really hope you don't mind me doing a bit of critique myself, but I tend to get really into characters, oops.

You have the basis for a good character here. I don't see a ton of protagonists that are particularly paranoid and there's room for a lot of development.

However, there's a few things that could use a little work.

Firstly, the nature section. I think his mannerisms aren't really mannerisms. Being paranoid is more of a personality trait and feeling unsafe where he should is mostly just common sense. Maybe mannerisms for him, considering he's paranoid, could be constantly looking over his shoulder or being very easily surprised and jumpy? I also wouldn't quite call being a thief a flaw, unless he's a kleptomaniac and habitually steals, which could be an interesting flaw. Being extroverted but withdrawn doesn't make sense without a bit more elaboration, and extroversion doesn't make sense for a super paranoid character either. Honestly, you could easily fix that just by making it a little clearer when he is withdrawn vs extroverted. The bias against people without visible scars is somewhat strange too, do most of the people he knows have scars or not? Because if not, he'd sure be hating a lot of people and that might not work in the story.

Next, the social section. I don't really know what the lie detector system in, or if it has greater significance in the universe the story is set in, but everyone has some opinion on politics. Also, if one of his flaws is that he's a thief, how is he an aspiring military agent? Keep in mind that his paranoia and lying tendencies would probably get in the way of this job.

Thirdly, history. It's a little much for him to have a dead dad, alcoholic mother, and have to steal to live, unless this is very common in the universe. I think it's also important that we see how the character's backstory effects them currently. I think, given his personality, he probably wouldn't want to be a military agent considering his father died in a war.

Alright, I think that's all! I hope this was helpful. Please let me know if you have further questions.