forum Character critique please?
Started by BLB_bulld0g
tune

people_alt 2 followers

@FantaPop

She looks super cute! I love her name and nickname - what do her parents call her? Does she have a childhood nickname? Her looks page looks good, though I would hesitate to use chocolate for her skin colour - people aren't food! It's alright to just say dark/light brown. You also don't have any identifying marks for her - does she have any scars? Freckles or moles? What about her appearance makes her stand out?

Her nature page is almost empty! What sort of mannerisms does she have - how does she speak, hold herself, and interact with the world? Does she fidget? You have down that she's caring, how does she care? Does she worry herself sick over people? Does she give tough love instead? What's her motivation - does she want to protect something? Acquire something? Impulsive would probably fit better under flaws, which she needs! How impulsive is she? What else about her would make people not like her - is she stubborn, set in her ways, brash, etc.? Does being a night owl affect her life negatively? What about her prejudices - what sort of people can't she stand? What are her talents - what's she good at? What does she like to do in her spare time? Photography, handspinning, whittling, etc. You mention that she's a bookworm, that would probably go in the hobbies section as loving to read! Her personality type also need more information - I know a couple users here are fond of the MBTI tests (ENFP, INTJ, etc.) so that information could go here as well!

Her social page looks a little empty too! What religion did she grow up with - does she still practice it? Are she and Cyrus friends? What about her and Caleb - if they're dating, they should also be friends! What about the politics of her world, where does she stand on issues like reproductive rights and such if they apply? What's her favourite colour - and what does it say about her? Who is Feg'ri and why is the dagger significant to her? What possession does she treasure most - maybe even above her own life? How does she go about saving the world?

Her history page is nearly empty! She's a junior - how does saving the world effect her grades? Does she miss a lot of days because of it? Is it a public or private school - what does the school district look like? Does she enjoy learning? And what about her backstory! That's very important for a character to have! What was it like growing up for her? What event caused her to start wanting to save the world - does she even want to in the first place? What about her friends? Her enemies? Tell us about the world as she fits into it!

She also has no family page! You link two people to her as love interests, is she interested in them or not? Does she have any siblings? Pets? Does she have both parents, only one, none, adopted, raised by her grandparents, etc.? Who she was raised by will tell you a lot about her environment as a child! You also have two items linked to her but aren't included in her inventory - is she not in possession of them at the moment?

All in all, she's a really nice start to a character that needs to be fleshed out just a little bit more to really cement her into the world. Most of what I typed up there are just suggestions, of course, but I can't wait to see where else you go with her!