So the protagonist of my story, Jemima St. Cloud, has gone through a lot of iterations, but I think I've finally figured out who I want her to be. But because she's something of a patchwork of ideas and concepts, I'm not really confident in how it all fits together neatly. So, if anyone feels up for it, I'd love for you to look over Jemima's profile and tell me what you think!
If you find any glaring inconsistencies or unbelievable characterization, please let me know so I can get to work on fixing it. Or if you just want to tell me what you think of her and give me advice for making her more believable/relatable, that'd be great as well!
Thank you so much!
I would like to apologize in advance if I'm being too brutal, but I love a good critique.
1) Why is she so good at fighting, and when did she have time to learn all that? Maybe I'm just not reading the backstory right, but being on the run for many years doesn't seem conducive to having lots of time for combat training, but maybe that's just me. Also, I feel like having a story in which the female protagonist is an excellent diplomat sounds way more interesting than being good with weapons.
2) I love that you made her dad the single parent and the mom the soldier. Very cool role reversal.
3) How exactly she got into the realm of politics is hella confusing to me, and I think it needs a little more polishing up. Her being able to infiltrate political circles is improbable…unless she's lying about her age.
4) I think she needs more friends. Idk if I'm just not seeing them on the notebook page or what, but a gal's gotta have her pal's. Yes, even if she's a huge introvert, she still needs one or two friends to provide support/advance the plot.
Hope this helps!
