forum Character Critique Please

Started March 14, 2019 by @Darkblossom group

tune

I have a newly minted character with a half baked plot line. Tell me what you think, mainly about the backstory. I will post the link soon.

Here she is.

It looks like an interesting basis. here are a few notes.

I don't think a grudge really is the same as prejudice. prejudices are more general like all royals are idiots or all people from the mountains are illiterate. It's more of a general, incorrect idea someone has.
Also, ask the why question more. why exactly did she want to become a general to the army? And why would her personality type be intense? what makes it intense?

other than that it seems okay for a character to a half worked out plot
ps. I like your profile picture

Thank you for your help and the compliment! I think your profile pic is adorable and I want to hug it.

Thanks, made it myself :P

Maybe it's just me but the completely wild fantasy first name and the real-word last name (which both are great in themselves) don't really fit together.

What does echolocation have to do with light magic? Isn't the whole point of echolocation that you don't need light to "see"? Former question also goes for teleportation.

And I agree, "intense" isn't really much of a personality.

Interesting story with that demon and the king! I'd like to know how come he ended up using the wrong rune.

Also, having read all of that she doesn't come off as much of a villain. Seems to me the king (and possibly the demon, depending on how much of a personality it has) are the villains.

Oh you just wait. Her whole character centers around how she murders thousands of people to try to drive the demon away. I do agree, she wouldn’t be evil if the demon wasn’t there, but she does still have some free will.

I fixed the ‘intense’ personality, I agree I was being a bit lazy when I thought that up.

About the names, I honestly didn’t put much thought into the last name and it was more supposed to be ironic, a light mage with the last name ‘Shade’.

About the echolocation, it’s magical echolocation, instead of sound waves it’s waves of magic, and it relates to light magic as in finding your way. It’s mostly used to penetrate magical darkness where lights dont work.

For the teleportation, that’s just magic, both dark and light magic have a version of it, just the way it is manifested is different. So for a light mage they would disappear in a flash of light, while a dark mage would melt into shadows.

She is dulled to others emotions, and is always thinking of how she can meet her end goal. <– is maybe more of a mannerism?
It might help to look at these questions:

Are they introverter, extroverted? somewhere in between?
How easy is it for them to make friends/allies and to maintain the relationships?
Do they act on instinct or think things through?
Do they notice details?
How do other people see them?

I will think these questions over. Thank you both for the help!

Ohh that's more like it :D Also that makes sense with her magic.

Hmmm, maybe you could use "Shade" as a nickname. And for the personality it always helps me to take one of these online personality tests for the character, just to get some ideas!