forum Character critique please?
Started by @bookkitty17
tune

people_alt 13 followers

@WaffleFries

Let me start off by saying I am not a professional in any way. Ok then

I think you made a very relatable and realistic character. His/her flaws are very realistic, but in the talents part, he/she seems a bit overpowered. Maybe you could make him/her have barely passed one subject in the Academy like maybe there is a certain kind of weapon that they are terrible with. Other than that small thing, I loved reading about the universe and about Cam

@@NothingHappened871

Okay, first I love the name Camryn and the spelling!

Under favorite possessions, in the last parentheses bracket, there's a wonky sentence in there. It says, "(part of the graduation test for the Academy, his/hers are her a fox’s cunning, moonlight, and the first frost of winter) and a key." Is it supposed to be "are her a fox's cunning" or is that sentence just worded incorrectly?

Can you elaborate more under the favorite weapon? Does he/she have a special quarterstaff or does he/she just like to use any of them?

My favorite animal is a fox too! XD

What is a Covert Field Regulator? Could you possibly put an explanation in there somewhere?

Where does his/her father live? You say that he/she goes to live with him, but you don't say where? Is it a secret?

Can you talk more about the scar along his/her jawline? Where did she get it? How? (Sorry, curiosity killed the cat XD)

Under talents, you say that the piano is a string instrument. I have been playing the piano for 9 years now and have always been taught is was a percussion instrument.

You say that his/her motivation is that he/she cares deeply about his/her family, which to me strikes me as off. Do you mean that he/she's motivation is keeping his/her's family safe?

Under the personality and flaws, you say that he/she just rushes into things without thinking ahead. You later say underneath personality that he'she is practical? How can he/she be practical if he/she is running around doing things without thinking them through first?

Does he'she have ADHD or is he/she just constantly moving?

Sorry, this is a lot, but this is what I can find from studying the character. This character is off to a great start and I would love to see he/she in action in a story! I hope you have fun and keep on writing your character!

@Krystal

The only thing I can see that might really give you trouble is the whole him/her thing that you have going on. Repeatedly reading him/her over and over again is not something most are inclined towards doing.

@CinnamonRoll

Hello hello~~ I love these!! Ok, top down…

The first thing that really stands out to me is a contradiction on the personality page. You say that he/she is manipulative, but also that he/she doesn't plan ahead. In general, people who are manipulative do so to get the optimal scenario–which they have already thought out. So this doesn't really make sense.

Okay, I scream about this a lot, but hear me out–I find it beneficial to rate my characters on a scale of liberal-ism under the politics bit. I'm not completely sure why, but it always seems to help me understand my characters better.

I would add more questions about what a Covert Field Regulator is, but I feel like that's under the universe page, so I'm just gonna let it be. ;P

Oh dear. Um. Okay, so backstory definitely explains his/her past, but…. I've got nothing about his/her motives or personality. WHY does s/he cares so much about family? WHY so manipulative? WHY does s/he disregard the rules in favor of the greater good? Nothing happens in a vacuum. At least back up the motivations–that's the most important part. If you can add details to back up a few traits, that's even better!!

Overall? A very well-developed character!! Definitely an interesting concept here. Just fluff up that backstory and smooth out a couple wrinkles and you should have a great MC on your hands!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

@joufflucharlie

First of all, your universe is very well-thought out, detailed, original, and understandable. Amazing.
Now, onto the character (by section):
Overview: Name is original and catchy. I like it. I also enjoy the fact that Camryn is gender-fluid, as I find that gender fluid people are not depicted nearly as often as they should be in literature, not to mention society in general.
Looks: Even if the character is petite like you mention, 97 pounds may still be slightly underweight for her height and age. Everything else is very descriptive, and really helps me picture the character in my head.
Nature: Not much seems out of place here! It all flows together very well. You elaborated a lot on each slot and that is very helpful for understanding and getting invested in the character.
Social: Looking good! Nice details on the favorite possession (though I do wish I knew more about his/her friends and such…).
History: Backstory is quite nice so far, and I'm very compelled, but I feel like it could use a few more details/moments of exposition, such as why his/her parents didn't live together, and why s/he didn't go straight to live with his/her dad after the mother died, etc. Also, expanding upon the backstory can put the many great traits and flaws you listed in a bit more context.
Family: You seem to be all set!
All in all, awesome character! Very unique and engaging. I look forward to seeing more of your stuff!

@bookkitty17

Thanks for all the in depth critiques! You guys really pointed out a bunch of things that I would not have noticed/reconsidered otherwise.

Now responding to specific critiques:
@WaffleFries
Cam's musical talent and skill with words comes from his/her fey heritage as many stories say that they cannot lie and therefore must weave words to trick humans instead. They also can use music to ensnare humans and force them to accompany them to their revels where they are then force to dance until they die. So giving these skills to Cam is just a nod from me to the original fey myths. As for his/her overdone combative skill, this was done specifically since s/he's nearly half-human (humans are seen as one of the weakest species on Earth, despite their skill with technology and overwhelming numbers compared to the Mythical (this is going to be a driving point for the antagonist(s))). Compared to a dragonblood, lycan or shifter who can turn into an animal in the midst of combat or a vampire or elf with their enhanced physical abilities, a fey-human hybrid would be seen as less able, so Cam was constantly stuck in the mindset of trying to prove his/herself at the Academy.

@NothingHappened871 (I'm going to address your feedback by paragraph)

  1. Thank you for pointing out that sentence, I have now gone back and fixed it.
  2. I previously did not have Cam's quarterstaff that s/he always uses on there (I've been gradually copying the various character bios from a different document that I had before I found this website and I must of skipped over that tidbit of info), I have added it now.
  3. The position of Covert Field Regulator was described in the Universe history but basically Covert Field Regulators are often a type of Regulator (Mythical police) assigned to observe areas trafficked by the Wild Hunt or dragonbloods or areas with a nearby witches undetected. In contrast Overt Field Regulators are sent to publicly dissipate brewing conflicts between Mythicals or between Mythicals and humans while Task Force Regulators must have seven years of prior experience as a Regulator and are sent to fight in or break up large conflicts or to bring targets into custody.
  4. Cam's father, Sam King, lives in a fictional seaside city in Washington, Starling City.
  5. I'm currently deciding on this one actually. I'm thinking either a training accident with someone who s/he didn't like and who didn't like him/her at the Academy, or a scar left behind from when his/her uncle was murdered (given that this was 13 years ago (a scar left behind would have to be from a deep cut and would probably but knotted and attention drawing) but I could counter this with either glamouring or vampirism). What do you think?
  6. I do not play piano, but at my school I was taught that the piano was a string instrument. But as you're probably more correct than my second grade music teacher, I have now taken it off of Cam's talent list.
  7. Keeping his/her family safe and basically just alive. This is kind of something s/he learned from her mother who grew up taking care of her twin brother and younger siblings. Her mother, Hathai, also blamed herself for her twin, Arran's, death which enforced the idea in Cam's mind that family and friends are a responsibility that must be kept out of harm's way and if they were killed or hurt, it's your fault.
  8. This is a very good point, thank you for making it. I have now taken 'practical' out of his/her personality section.
  9. I haven't really made this official or anything, but I'm kind of writing with the fact in mind that Cam has a minor case of ADD/ADHD.

@Krystal
I will be deciding what gender (whether it is female, male, demiboy, demigirl, occasionally agender, etc.) from chapter to chapter or if it switches midway through a chapter and implement it into my writing as such.

@CinnamonRoll (I will also be addressing your response point by point)

  1. By manipulative, I more meant that s/he is very good with words and convincing others to do things. Thank you for pointing this out, I have now changed it to make it more clear.
  2. As a barely-teenager, I'm afraid I don't really have an excellent grasp on politics yet but hopefully I'll get to develop this in my characters as I continue to learn myself. Thanks for this tip, though!
  3. It is though since I have it typed in a previous part of this post, I'll just copy+paste. Covert Field Regulators are often a type of Regulator (Mythical police) assigned to observe areas trafficked by the Wild Hunt or dragonbloods or areas with a nearby witches undetected. In contrast Overt Field Regulators are sent to publicly dissipate brewing conflicts between Mythicals or between Mythicals and humans while Task Force Regulators must have seven years of prior experience as a Regulator and are sent to fight in or break up large conflicts or to bring targets into custody.
  4. As I elaborated on part of this already in another part of my post, I'll again just copy+paste. His/her family and friend loyalty is kind of something s/he learned from her mother who grew up taking care of her twin brother and younger siblings. Her mother, Hathai, also blamed herself for her twin, Arran's, death which enforced the idea in Cam's mind that family and friends are a responsibility that must be kept out of harm's way and if they were killed or hurt, it's your fault. For his/her manipulative tendencies, this is a consequences of him/her finding that when you're shorter/smaller than average you're less likely to be taken seriously especially if you specifically don't present yourself as a threat and just him/her taking advantage of other's/enemies' miscalculations that has become a habit. His/her rule breaking comes from being placed in situations, especially at the Academy by the trainers in her secondary years, where his/her only options are to fail or to disobey orders/rules, and as Cam does not like to fail, rule-breaking became the natural go-to rather than finding a way to follow the rules and still win.

@joufflucharlie

  1. I have looked at various bmi calculators as I was also concerned about Cam being underweight and for everyone that I've tried, his/her bmi comes up in the healthy area, though most doctors would likely recommend that s/he gain some weight.
  2. As for inter-character relationships, I just haven't gotten the time to work those out in type and they're kind of just floating around in my head right. Hopefully I'll get to that soon!
  3. Same goes for Cam's background though I tried to explain some parts of it in other parts of this post.

Thank you all for giving such excellent critiques, it was very helpful to ask myself these questions!