forum Character Critique ;D

Started January 24, 2018 by @Celestial-B

tune

I do this a lot to other people's characters, so i'd like someone to do it to one of mine I just finished. I'd like to know if anything seems off or If I could fix anything or add something! Just go ahead and bash 'em lol!

Oops, looks like they're not public yet!

Ah, I fixed it >< sorry!

Hi!! Ok, just gonna get right into this–top down:

First off, 5'12" = 6'0". (I had to Google it ;P) Also, Swedish people + dark hair? Ok, I'm not well-versed in that ethnicity, but it just seems off.

Hmm, motivations…. is he depressed? (I understand that depression can lead to a lack of motivation). If this is the reason, I would just balance this out with a motivation for 'healing' or something similar. (WAIT! Does it have to do with his weight problems as a kid? If so, notate that–otherwise this motive is easy to misinterpret.

Ooh, I legit put this on EVERY critique, BUT! The magic liberal scale!! Rate your characters–it helps!!

You mentioned his powers–what are they? If I recall, Lilly is water and Grant is fire, but you didn't list this character's.

Yay!! Backstory does a great job explaining his character!! I really can't find all that much.

Ok, overall, the character is good!! The biggest problem is probably his motivations–revise them a bit and you should be good!!

I hope that I helped you!! :DDD

Love his nickname, for one, Pace is unique enough for a main character, and easy to connect to his name once you hear both! You do have his height at 5'12, which would roll over to 6'0 if you want to be facetious. His hair style is a little hard for me to picture, however. How long is it that it can do that? Love the addition of the farmer's tan, not many characters sporting one, especially protagonists!

You have him overweight as a child and mention him having to stand up for himself as a kid, was he bullied badly? I think 'stuck up' would be better mentioned as 'defensive', though it could definitely come off that way to other characters! His prejudices don't make much sense to me - though, does he include himself in them? A little self-hatred mixed with the lack of motivation sounds a bit like someone struggling with depression.

For his politics, is he neutral to what's going on in his world, or does he not know enough to base his opinions in fact? Does his parents' beliefs influence him? (Most teenagers I know have super strong political opinions, but that may be from the current climate. I digress ^^; ) Why is he embarrassed to say his favourite colour's pink - does he think he'll get made fun of/bullied for it? What else is he afraid to share with people?

I love that he has a pair of 'lucky' shoes, why does he consider them lucky?

Also, third grade sounds a bit young, since wikipedia tells me they're about 8 to 9 in that grade. It takes a while to lose any serious amount of weight, despite what fad diets will tell you! I have to wonder, does he still keep in contact with his friends from his last school?

Overall he looks like a pretty solid character so far, and I'm super curious as to what happens to throw him into another universe to use powers and a sword! Hope some of this helps! ^^;