forum Can you please take a look at my character?

Started January 26, 2018 by Deleted user

tune

She's from the universe "Fracture" and she's the main character of a story. Please let me know what you think. And if you're confused about anything, feel free to ask :D

I really like her. Her looks and overview seem perfectly fine. However, her mannerisms confuse me a little. A mannerism is a certain movement or action –like fiddling with your hair, chewing your nails, shifting your weight from foot to foot –those are mannerisms. What you have written in mannerisms could go in personality type. I like her motivation a lot. It's well-explained and realistic. Her flaws are similar in that aspect. Well-weighted and well thought out. A prejudice, btw, is a strong dislike towards a something that typically is unfair and generalizes a group of people. Racism, sexism, etc are forms of prejudice. Not all prejudice is bad, but mostly they are. Including prejudices is pretty important for character building. Talents and hobbies seem fine. For religion, just say Atheism instead of none. Everything else, I really like, except the backstory. It's cool, just include more detail! The kidnapping, maybe? Maybe explain her relationship with her friends/parents more? It just seems short.

Overall, a solid character. Good luck

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that!!

I'll have a go at her! :D

First thing, why doesn't she like being called anything but Alex? You could probably elaborate on that a little more!
Another thing, instead of saying light and skinny for her weight, I suggest putting something more specific. It doesn't have to be exact but maybe something like 140-160 just to give us a general idea, then saying how she gains about 15-ish pounds in the end. And something else, Identifying marks are things like freckles, or a birthmark, or tattoo. I don't particularly thing that her sword is an identifying mark. If you would like that in there I suggest leaving it in her backstory!~
Like @Sarah said, her mannerisms aren't exactly mannerisms. Mannerisms are things like, bounces her leg when nervous, bites her nails, etc. And you said her family was kidnapped?? That seems like one of the very important parts of her story, especially it being her main motivation. You mention it once, maybe twice and that's it. That is a huuuge thing! Explain it more! Why were they kidnapped? Who were they kidnapped by? So many things that aren't explained!
You also mentioned Aria and Polar, who are they? Who are they to Alex? How important are they to the story?
And like @Sarah said before, you might need to put some prejudices in there, they are some of the main things that make characters seem more human.
I know this is irrelevant but she has the same b-day as me and that makes me happy :DD
Whoa now, her backstory is pretty small!! Tell me some things like I mentioned before. Who are her parents and what did they do? How many siblings did she have? Any important events in her life that made her who she is at the start of the story?

Anyways, hope I helped and good luck!

@Celestial-B thank you very much, I appreciate it!

I certainly think she's an interesting character, but my main problem is with her flaws. Or rather, her lack thereof. Yes, blaming yourself for things going badly can be undesirable, but its still a sign that she's an excellent person, that she is essentially perfect. If you want her to undergo good character development, she needs to have some flaw to fix, and blaming herself is not the sort of flaw that even really needs fixing. perhaps if you took it to the extreme, where she would push others away for fear of them being hurt, or the guilt becomes to intense for her to bear, or maybe her desire to save her family pushes her to the point of recklessness.

I honestly like her, and her personality reminds me of myself. I have a little issue with her favorite food, probably because I'm Italian and I can't even look at pineapple on pizza, but this is a prejudice of mine. Maybe you should specify who Aria and Polar are and maybe you should also say a bit more about her family being kidnapped. Also in her background maybe you should say a bit more about her past, maybe you can explain who her friends are and why you have used "were". Does that mean that they are not friends anymore? If it is, Why?
Also, why her parents didn't spend much time with her? Was that because of their job or because they didn't want to?
Anyway I really like her and she is very interesting.

Good luck with your story!
(Sorry for the English, I'm not mother tongue and I'm still learning)

I really like your character and I know the kind of person who wanna fight everybody who calls her her real name. My only problem is that we don't know how she was thrown into all of that time traveling (I'm really sorry about my bad english. I am from Denmark and is only in seventh grade)