forum Can someone please take a look at this character?
Started by @Kinarymo
tune

people_alt 43 followers

@corbinheb3

Your description and profile of this character is AMAZING omg!!
You have a lot of great information, and the descriptions are really great.

@Wry_Wyvern

Looks:

  • You describe his physical appearance really well; good job!
  • You might want to add a weight, although I understand that it might be difficult to gauge a weight for him what with his 3 pairs of wings and all.

Nature:

  • Mannerisisms are good, but I'm wondering more about his speech patterns. Does he use outdated slang, what types of phrases does he say often, what kinds of words does he use in general, etc.?
  • What are these "certain emotions" he doesn't understand? He's later described as kind and understanding, so I'm not entirely sure that being emotionally distant works with that.
  • What you have listed for his prejudices aren't really prejudices. He used to expect the best of people, but learned that people can be evil. Is he jaded and pessmistic as a result? Are there certain races he distrusts maybe because of historical conflicts with Morphidae?
  • I feel like Hanami is supposed to be a mentor character, which is the most difficult character type to give flaws and prejudices to. He's described as wise, kind, and essentially perfect; try adding some weakness to make him more relatable and fallible. (If he's not supposed to be fallible, then disregard that; I just know it's really hard to write believable omniscient/OP characters)

Social:

  • He's monotheist, so he believes in one god; who is this god & what are some more details about his religion? (This might be irrelevant depending on the context & universe)

History:

  • That is a hella interesting background; now I really want to read your story.

Overall, you have a great character and what seems like a really interesting story; I only had a little to critique. Well done, and good luck with your writing!