forum can someone please critique my character? I'd appreciate the feedback

Started April 16, 2018 by @imjustshy

tune

Milo is my favourite creature at the moment, but I'd love to see how I could improve with him!

Would be great to have some more info under the personality section. I feel like it's kind of unclear. All i can really pick up on is a sense of a character that picks and chooses their own rules depending on if it gains them utility or not. I feel like that can be expanded on greatly. Maybe you can tie in some of their flaws with it considering that those flaws are things such as un-trusting and sassy. I also want to throw in that Milo's motivation may use some work or a better description if this character is immortal. Like why worry about getting the most out of life if you have an eternity to do so? Perhaps add the fear of an impending doom that drives him to treating every day like it could be his last. It could really tie in with the un-trusting side of him.
Otherwise i enjoyed learning some about this character. The fact that he plays piano at a local bar sounds really interesting. I hope that you enjoy whatever you do with this fella. He seems fun. :]

Hi I will,,,, try my best!
Maybe specify what you mean by feminine body? Curvy? Thin? Soft? It's unclear.
What's his hair length?
Specify what languages he speaks. Did he get a well-rounded education? Or was it something of the religious sort? Does he still try to learn new things and be scholarly in present day?
Interesting background, what happened to the mother? Lisa is his twin sister I assume, maybe add her in Family?
Nice touch on how he dresses in Notes. Does he never ever change his clothes besides what you mentioned?
He is a vampire, what's his diet like? How often does he need to feed on humans? Can he eat normal food, and does he need to? Does he sleep?
His last name sounds Italian, where was he born? (Unless I somehow missed that in which case I'm sorry.)
A compelling character, however I didn't quite get a feel of his personality. Maybe add more to mannerisms? Some more specific details all around Nature?
Hope this is helpful!! :)

@Felish thank you!! I will try to expand his personality type- I was honestly just trying something different with the way I wrote that but I might go back to how I'd normally do it and I'll definitely make his 'Personality Page thing' a lot more explanatory

@Kaloobia those are good questions that I never thought of asking myself, I'm going to go back and specify his features and background a little more. He does change his clothes and I should probably mention that and I'll focus on his eating habits as well!

Thank you both x

update: I have gone back and done what I can to improve on his character xo

Dude I just checked it out again and!!! So much more detail all around!! Great job with including nervous ticks and appearance details! It looks good :)

Hey mate! This seems like a super interesting character idea so far, and I really love it! I have a few thoughts on what you could improve to make them even better.

Gender- This is really interesting, and I can already see that you are taking an untraditional and different attempt to vampires. Rather than saying he is "Un officially a he" you might want to explain that he thinks of and refers to himself as male. A prefered pronouns list can be helpful, just so others understand better.

Skin Tone, Body Type, Identifying Marks- All these details! I love it! I can really picture him clearly! I love the slightly gender expression queer bit about how he looks great in a dress. I really love these ideas, especially since there are so many overly masculine guy vampires with clingy, pointless girls. (Sorry Twilight.)

Nature- I'm only doing one thing for all of this because literally everything in here is great! There is a ton of expression and character, and I love the mannerisms and flaws. Full points!

Politics- I noticed that you don't actually have anything down for this. I understand if modern day politics (Democrat v. Republican v. Other Fields) don't apply to a slightly more fantasy story, but I was told by a very wise critiquer named @CinnamonRoll told me that it would be helpful to gauge a character on a scale of liberalness to realistically write a character's reaction to certain things.

Favorite Animal- Cute Milo with his little cat-cat. I can imagine this super clearly.

Wow! Overall, I really, really like this character. He seems like an interesting departure from classic vampire stuff, as well as the modern, hyper gender stereotype and unrealistic romance infested jig. He is one of the best characters I have ever read through. I hope I get to see more of your creations in the future!

-FlowerQueen

@TheFlowerQueen politics have always been something that confuse me (being 15, I still have a few years to get the hang of it though) so I normally don't add political views to my characters but I can certainly do research if it's going to make my character more realistic and imaginable.

Thank you xo