forum Can someone please critique my character?

Started June 03, 2018 by @moss

tune

Please critique my boy Finn. I need some more mannerisms too.

notebook.ai/plan/characters/390058

Thanks

it looks like your character is set to private - you'll need to switch it to public

@Anatoliy Kuragin I set it to public

Alright - seems like a pretty good character. There are a few things I'm wondering about - like whether his tattoo means anything; it doesn't have to, some people just get aesthetic tattoos, but you should think on that. If it means something to him, what, and why did he decide to mark that with a tattoo? If it doesn't, why did he choose to get it?
Also if you haven't you can figure out how exactly he got those scars.

I've noticed you've given him a nut allergy, and also mentioned a few times that he's something of a traceur. If these are things you aren't familiar with you've got a lot of research to do.
(They're both things I happen to know a little about, so feel free to message me for more info if you need it).
Nut allergies are some of the most common allergies linked with anaphylaxis, so you should figure out if Finn's anaphylactic and think about what that means. Does he carry an epipen with him? How does he act when offered food - is he the type to refuse food rather than explain or does he ask to check the ingredients? Also is he allergic to all nuts? Or a specific few?

Appearance wise he seems reasonable for someone with his hobbies and a realistic person.
He seems like a well-rounded character - with flaws and a personality that paint a picture of a person that could exist. One thing I'd advise is that your personality section is largely a list of adjectives. While they work fairly well, I'd advise expanding that into sentences with a little more detail. Add notes about why he is the way he is and how these traits interact with each other.
The motivation is a little cliche but if you write it with enough depth you can pull it off.

I'm a bit confused by what you mean about his politics. You've just written 'negative'. Do you mean that he doesn't have political views, or that they all are negative?
It would make a lot of sense for him not to like the government, as you've said they killed his parents. But what does he believe in? Is there an alternative political group of philosophy he supports? Does he not care as long as it isn't the govt that killed his parents? Is he not really sure yet? I know a lot of 18-year-olds who don't have the most developed political views, so you don't have to make him a great political philosopher or activist, but you might want to give some indication as to what he believes in.

As for the mannerisms, they seem pretty good to me. You might want to think about where he looks when talking to people. Right in the eye? Or does he look down or stare into the distance? Does his gaze dart around? Considering you said he's a good public speaker and he seems like a rather confident guy, I'd assume he's likely pretty good and looking people in the eyes.
Generally, think about how he might act when feeling a certain emotion? If he's frustrated will he put his head in his hand? Pinch the bridge of his nose? Sigh?
Does he move his hands or jump around when excited?

That's all i've got :)