I have a few characters that I want to be looked over by a another set of eyes, I want to here your thoughts and options on them.
So there are four I would like to be looked at.
Azazel 'Sophia' Anastasia Evans (Azazel)
Azazel 'Sophia' Anastasia Evans (Lucifer Jr.)
Invalid Character (Zave)
Maria Lewis (Maria)
They are the main character's in my story and I would really enjoy some feedback on them. Try not to be too harsh, but still make your critiques. Thanks in advance.
~Raven
Hey Raven,
it´s not possible for anyone to look over your characters, if you set them on private view only :)
When I click one of these links notebook.ai tells me that I don´t have permission to view that content.
But I would be interested in looking over your characters :)
Oh man that sucks I hope you get better soon :)
Okay so I started with Azazel (was this name inspired by supernatural? ;))
I really like what you did there :) There is nothing that I thought was bad or something. The following things are just questions I asked myself while reading about Azazel. You already thought about a lot of things, but in my opinion there are soo many more things you could think about and add, because it would make this character so much more believable and relatable :)
There were also some things that confused me. Maybe I just got confused, because I miss some information you didn´t add there, because it´s super obvious for you or maybe I am just stupid :D
Confusing things:
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So her name is Sophia Anastasia Evans but then it says her REAL name is Azazel. Soo is Azazel her nickname or is Sophia Anastasia her "human-fake-name" or what is going on?
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By the way, she is a demon in a world where humans and monsters know about each other, right? So why does she have a human form? She doesn´t need to hide or does she? Or is this just for fun, because she doesn´t like to be a demon so she learned how to take on human form? Or is it vital for her to look like a human sometimes?
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She looks like a 16 years old but is soo much older than 16. So how is your "age-system" working?
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Her Motivations are her own personal gain, but then the older she gets she cares more and more about the well-being of her people? Just asking that to get this straight. Sorry maybe I am just stupid :D
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Theres something else that doesn´t make sense to me: Azazel and Lucifer Jr. don´t like each other but they are the love interests for each other?? So if they changed their minds about each other somewhere in your story, what happend?
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What is the current century on Earth Vixon? Is it 2018 like in the real world? Because in this case Azazels age wouldn´t make sense if she was born in 2001. She couldn´t be hella old ;)
Things that would make your Character more believable and interesting:
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What I am interested in is where she got those scars on her thighs and upper arms? There is probably a pretty interesting story behind it ;) Do you already know this story or haven´t you made one up yet? If you tell the reader she´s got scars you should also tell the reader why she´s got them :)
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Let´s talk about Religion :) So monsters and humans have religions on Earth Vixon, right?
But what exactly does it mean for a demon to believe in god and heaven and that hell -the place they live in- is the evilest place ever? Do they think of themselves as super evil and odious? Or do they interpret Christianity in a different way? I´m asking that because you wrote Azazel was born out of Christianity.
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I am also really interested in the story how her mother passed away and how it affected Azazel and the rest of her family :)
Also what kind of relationship did she have with her mother? What kind of relationship does she have with her father and siblings? How did she grow up? How did it influence her?
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What would also be really interesting is how her school time affected her and how long she´s been in her previous school. If she liked it there? How long does she have to stay in der current school? How long do they have to go to school anyway? When do they start going to school? When they are children? Because if they start going to school when they are children that would mean Azazel has been there for a hella long time because she´s hella old ;)
I interpret this little space called "backround" as something where you can write about the things I mentioned under "Things that would make your Character more believable and interesting". You know, the things that happened in her live before your story starts, things that make Azazel the person she is today :)
So all in all I liked reading about Azazel and I think you already did a good job, but I also think there are quite some things you should think about and add :)
Now I am going to look over Lucifer Jr. :)
Hey may I ask you a personal question?
I don´t want to offend you, but while reading what you´ve written about your characters, makes me feel like english is not your native language. So what is your native language? :)
I am soo sorry if I am wrong! :o
Okay now lets come to Lucifer Jr. :)
I think you did a good job here too and there was nothing bad or something. But a few things confused me and there are a few things I think would be pretty cool to know about Lucifer Jr, because it would make him more believable :)
Confusing things:
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The same thing as with Azazel, the age-system. So Lucifer Jr is 16 in human years. So that means in demon-years he´s about as old as Azazel, right? I mean, because she´s 16 in human years too. So that means Lucifer Jr is also hella old and I ask myself how is your "demon-age-system" working?
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So Lucifer Jr is 187 cm tall and weighs just 46 kg?! He is severely underweight! So was this intended? But you also wrote his body type is muscular build. If he´s got muscles and is so tall he can´t weigh just 46 kg! But maybe as a demon this is a healthy weight, because the "demon-weight-system" is diffrent from humans??
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The love interest-thing again. They really don´t like each other, but are in love with each other? When and how did they started liking each other?
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So he´s one of the lords in hell? And Azazel is the princess? How does this whole monarchy in hell thing work? The same way it worked in reality medieval times? Because if he is ruling one of the circles of hell with his whole family what hierarchy do they have? Is his father dead which make Lucifer Jr Lord? And if his father isn´t dead does this mean his father is a Lord too? So all the family members are equally Lords and Ladys of the gluttony circle of hell? And Azazels father is he ruling all the other circles and is King?
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The birthday thing again. He was born in 2001 just like Azazel and she´s hella old so that means he´s hella old too. So what is the current century on Earth Vixon?
Things that would make your Character more believable and interesting:
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The scar thing again :) How did he got these scars?
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The anger issues. Why does he have anger issues? Since when does he have them?
There is always a reason why someone has problems like this and I think it would make him a LOT more believable if the reader would know about these reasons :)
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How did he find out, that he loves music and playing the guitar? Did someone introduced him to music? What means making music to him? (for example: freedom, he can be who he truly is, feels connected to himself or to someone he loved and already lost who introduced him to music, to express himself etc.)
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The religion-thing again :)
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His favorite possession is the necklace his father gave him. What´s the story behind that necklace? :) Why did his father passed it onto his son? Why does it mean so much to Lucifer Jr?
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And the school system thing again :) When do they start going to school? How long do they go to school? Does Lucifer Jr like going to school etc.
Other words for mannerisms are habit or peculiarity. For example person A is always biting his/her lips when he/she is nervous. :)
@Darkblue I just wanted to say thank you. One to respond to one of your questions English is my native language, I just struggle sometimes to spell correctly and I want things to be nice but I still struggle. I also have a new computer and I'm getting used to all of it's mechanisms.
I'm still working out all of the kinks and little things. I'm still trying to figure out the age system and all that. To answer one of your questions about Azazel. She likes her human form more, she just feels like being a demon is a bad thing. It's something that she's a little ashamed of. Also she just in general hates being followed around. Like she's the daughter of the overall ruler of the underworld, so she just wants some privacy. To all of your questions I just need to fix out all of the kinks.
I really do appreciate you looking these guys over. Thank you. I hope you get the chance to look over the other ones too.
Oh I´m sorry :o It´s just that I thought maybe your native language isn´t english because when I started learning english I made mistakes like this. And sometimes I still do.
Yeah for many people it´s hard sometimes to spell words correctly so don´t worry about it :) Yeah I thought about it that maybe Azazel just likes to take on human form for fun, but now you confirmed it to me :) I know there a a lot of things you have to think about, all these details! So the questions I asked are just questions I think a future reader of this story would like to know :)
I´d like to look over the others too, but it takes me quite some time, because I want to be thorough :D I will carry on looking over the other 3 of them, but I will not be finished today so have patience.
Also all demons have a human form. It's just like a demon thing. They have both forms, because some places are very anti monster so they have to do have different form to get into certain places.
