forum Can someone critique this fantasy gorl pleeeeeeeeeez
Started by walter
tune

people_alt 51 followers

@Rainy_is_back

I'm not the best person to do this, but I'll give a whap at it because I'm bored :P

  • Body type: Alright, lean can be a body type, but how lean are we talking? Like stick or just average? She should probably have at least a body shape mentioned, I personally have three sites to help me decide if you aren't sure. ( My original, without many choices, One with a lot more choices where you'll want to read more, And just a random one with a click throught list.)

  • Weight and Height: I'd like to see something a little more specific. Maybe a weight range, since I don't know what you use where you are, I'm just using the American system. The average human is about 130-140 pounds I believe, so give a range at least (maybe even about a base weight). Height, I need something else, what's her height specifically? (Again, using the American measurement system) I know she's tall, so is she 5'8''? Or taller than that? It would be a good idea to add more specific/pinpointed descriptions :)

  • Prejudices: Ahhh the bane of my existence. I don't really think that's real one. I honestly suck at that, but I mean, she doesn't have anything else? It's OK if no, like I said I suck at these.

  • Personality: So I know she feels things intensely, but to what extreme? I'd consider putting down a list of different emotions and explain how she expresses them I've found it useful myself. (For eg. Anger, Happiness, Sadness, Flustered, etc.)

  • Mannerisms: That's a great one! Though I'd love to see more! If you're struggling, look at your friends, what do they tend to do when they're happy, sad, excited, angry, etc.? You can look at yourself or others too! I'd just add a few to the list

  • Social section: I got some advice from someone else about the, it was to explain why her favorite things are her favorite things. I think it was some good advice, so I'll pass it along to you. It deepens your character, a lot actually! It also would be best if it was a history thing. And for the job/occupation, you can pick one really, they're like the same thing haha

  • Overview: Ahhhh really out of order and should've put this first, she seems rather young to me. Considering everything she's gone through back and forth, from what you put in the races section at least. Just an opinion, it's up to you though. Like you can seriously just mark this off idc, just thought I'd mention it.

  • History: Alright, the backstory is good, but it could be deepened. It may be in your head, which is great! That's all I needed, but if not, I'd suggest deepening it. Maybe putting her friends/relationships with her parents.

I believe that's it for what you have! I'd suggest maybe adding in some new fields, maybe a clothing one, or one where you can put more family things down (Such as parents, and all that jazz) and just put names down. But again, it's all up to you! I hope I helped you out, and I wish you happy developing!