forum Can someone critique/draw my character?
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tune
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Deleted user

I've worked really hard, and this is actually my first-ever official character! A critique or drawing qould be sooo awesome! :D Invalid Character

@Riorlyne pets

I'll have a look at her!

  • Name: I'm assuming her nickname Vaj is pronounced Vi or Vay? As much as I hate to recommend changing characters' names, I think you may have to change Vajra's, especially if 'Vaj' is a common nickname in the story. People are very likely to see that as Vaj rhyming with 'badge', which has connotations you probably don't want. I would suggest spelling it 'Vai/Vaira' or 'Vay/Vayra'.
  • Hair: It would be good to explain the white streak in her hair somewhere in her profile.
  • Eyes: Grey is an uncommon colour for Vajra's race. Is there a reason for this?
  • Race: Does this mean she is 1/4 Indian? She may not know about her grandmother, but you, the author, should know this.
  • Identifying marks: Do you mean her scar is lightning-bolt in shape, or that it's due to an injury from lightning striking her? If the first one, how did she get it? If the second one, lightning generally does not leave external scars and being struck at the nape of the neck would probably be fatal, unless lightning works differently in your world.
  • Mannerisms and Motivation: You've clearly put a lot of thought into this, and the detail here does a lot to develop Vajra as a character. You can always add more if you want, but you've got plenty. :)
  • Flaws, prejudices, talents - good start, but to be well-rounded, Vajra should have more than one of each of these.
  • Talents: You mention that Vajra is good at emotions. Is this rare where she lives? What makes being 'better' at emotions a good criterion for being a guardian? (Some might argue that being less emotional and more logical is a better trait for being in charge, as someone like that is more likely to make decisions based on facts and judgments rather than on how they feel at that moment. Also, consider that someone easily swept up in their emotions can be unpredictable or easy to manipulate. These could be fitting flaws for Vajra but they are not traits that make for a good leader.)
  • Personality: Since Vajra is a very sunny, passionate type, it might be helpful to explore what makes her feel angry or sad (besides those she loves being threatened).
  • Occupation: So far, there hasn't been much in Vajra's profile to indicate that she's the sovereign of a country. Generally heirs to the throne are given extra privileges, responsibilities, education, etc.
  • Birthday: I'm glad that you added the date even though birthdays are irrelevant in your world. :)
  • Education: She's a future ruler of somewhere and all she has is a high school degree? Has she had any special training for the future leading of a country? What about her powers, how did she learn to use them?
  • Background: There's a lot more that you could add to this section to develop Vajra further. Where does she live? How did she meet Samantha? What about her powers, when did she discover them and how does she use them? You mentioned mindless zombies in Vajra's fears, but from what you've written I can't see how this world having zombies has altered it significantly from Earth. Do the zombies play any part in Vajra's backstory? If so, how?
  • Powers: What are the limits to Vajra's powers? What does it cost her to use them (energy, sanity, mana, skill)? Do others in this world have powers, or is Vajra unique in that respect? If it's just her, how has this influenced the way she interacts with others and how they interact with her?

I really love Vajra's personality, but I think there could be a danger of making her a bit overpowered, since her main flaw is being too passionate. I would also love to see more of how the fantasy/sci-fi elements of your world (zombies, powers, guardians, irrelevant birthdays) factor into the story and make the setting different from our version of earth. A world can't just be 'exactly like earth but with zombies!' because something as drastic as zombies (or weather powers) would change the culture in significant ways.

All the best as you continue to develop your story! It looks like it's going to be a lot of fun. :)