forum Can anyone help make my character better?
Started by @IDKWrites
tune

people_alt 2 followers

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

Hello! I'd love to help

-Overview
It might help to specify under "Nicknames" that he's not entirely sure that his name is actually 13, for something to keep in mind.

-Looks
What shade of black is his hair? Is it curly? Straight? Tangled? Under eye color, did you mean pure black? What shade of red is his skin tone? How competitive of a bodybuilder would he have to be to reach 200 lbs. with a toned body type? Why does he wear a skull mask?

-Nature
Under mannerisms, emotionless and logical is more of a personality trait (in my experience, writing a character with little to no emotion is quite difficult so i bid you good luck). An emotionless character that focuses on logic might have mannerisms associated with his personality. Does he interrupt people? Does he tap his foot impatiently when others are talking, anxiously wishing they would stop so that he can talk? Does he challenge theses?
He's got to have a few more flaws other than 'void of the existence of emotions'. Though it's difficult to give an emotionless character certain flaws, you can still give him physical flaws (i.e. Clumsy, non-acrobatic, slow runner, etc.) and certain mental flaws (i.e. oblivious/absent minded, non-charismatic, foolish). As a character void of emotion and prefers logic, 13 might actually have a prejudice against those puny mortals that feel sad and stuff and think of himself as superior to them. This isn't necessary, but could come in handy when it comes to writing character flaws.
He might also need more talents, too! While everyone was off crying about stupid things, 13 studied the blade, which means he could be a good researcher/trainee, which fits in with his hobby of reading (he might need a few more hobbies too, but his main one is reading). If you need help coming up with more talents, what I like to do is start by imagining my character, nothing more, nothing less, and then I do the whole "judge a book on it's cover" and think to myself, 'based on what I do know about this character, what could I best imagine them doing in their free time?' and work off that.
With personality type, we need more! I actually have one character who's emotions were removed so I understand the problem with coming up with a fleshed out personality for them, but he can't be only robotic and nothing else! With my character, he has a desperate need to fit in, to be liked, and to come out on top, so he's got a bit of a tendency to show off. Try to work with what his personality used to be when he did have emotions, and amplify the traits that still work with an emotionless character, but keep the other personality traits that rely on emotions, just minimize them.

-Social
Is he agnostic or atheist? Why and how does he avoid politics? The question mark with rogue under occupation and job should probably be explained. Why does he not have a favorite color/food? Under favorite possession and favorite weapon being himself, this could help with his personality! He either has an overabundance of self-confidence or he prefers being alone and working by himself, but he could also be both!

-History
Wow, this is quite the history, I love it! First of all, maybe he doesn't remember his birthday, but you can still write it down for yourself without telling him. Under education, is that all he knows? Considering he's lost a significant portion of his memory, this may very well be possible.
What was the alchemist's name? (Funnily enough, I'm actually participating in a D&D campaign with an alchemist and he's just about as wild and reckless as the alchemist you have here; our alchemist tried to attack an enemy with a makeshift bomb and just blew himself up).
Anyway, why did Malron need money and shelter, did he not have a steady income before-hand? How much was he struggling that he accepted to be a volunteer for a shady alchemist that didn't give much information until after he agreed? What caused him to lose emotions and feelings of pain? The biggest question about your character is this; What makes him imperfect? He's strong, he's intelligent, and he doesn't have emotions, and he has fast regeneration. Not only does he need a characteristic flaw, but he needs something that hinders him. He needs something that makes him feel vulnerable. What is it?

Hope this helped!