forum Can anyone critique? It may be really bad
Started by Nope Not Saying
tune

people_alt 2 followers

@CinnamonRoll

Hi hi~~ I would love to critique!!

Of course, top down…

Quick note: I often mess up when critiquing genderqueer characters, so I'd like to apologize in case I use the wrong pronoun or term at any point. :)

For personality, everything looks fine. I just have one big suggestion: add MORE. Everything you have now is good, but more would be better. Especially under motivations!! MC's need lots of motivations, as well as flaws. Try to dig a little deeper into Lun's personality. Another note: prejudices. I think that what you have is adorable and you should totally keep it, but I would recommend adding a prejudice against a group of people, like teachers or government officials or something like that.

When it comes to politics, I always find it helpful to rate my characters on a scale of liberal-ness. As Lun is agender, I think that they would be very liberal, but that's just an assumption. Knowing political inclinations is actually really helpful for gauging reactions and responses to issues!

Good job on the backstory! Everything seems contextualized. Once you get more motivations, make sure to root each one in the backstory.

Overall, Lun seems like an adorable character!! I think you just need to puff them up more as an MC and you'll be good to go!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

Nope Not Saying

Thank you so much @CinnamonRoll!

I'll be sure to add more for motivations. They are trying for soccer, so I'll do something with soccer.

You're right about the politics thing though. Didn't think that one through, sorry.

Thank you for thinking that they are an adorable character. I tried to make them a fluffy sporty person, since I don't seem to see those around a lot. (◠﹏◠✿)

They are a cinnamon rol now that I think about it.