forum Can anybody critique my charcter

Started July 16, 2019 by @hyunjins-eyemole

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Here’s Maya! She my baby! Good luck!

She seems pretty dope to me except maybe try to write her mannerisms (as in how she acts daily, around peers, family, friends, how to know when she's angry, when she's sad, when she's excited, etc.) and for personality types, you could look at this and see which one best describes your character https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Hi, I'll give this a go! :)

• I love the gallery picture!! She's super cute, did you draw her? Or was it a commission? (I will say she looks older than 13, but that's a small nitpick more than anything.)
• 77 pounds is SUPER light dude!! The average height for a 5' girl is between 97 and 127 pounds, let alone if she's OVER that height. I'd say look into that a little more, even is she is skinny 77 pounds would probably be unhealthy. I'd stay go at least into the 80s, if we consider that she's underage.
• Interesting that she walks on her tiptoes! Is there any particular reason why? And does it give a certain vibe to her walk, like elegance or cuteness, and does she do it on purpose?
• Haha yeah definitely elaborate on mannerisms: how she walks, how she talks (with an accent? does she curse a lot? Does she slur her vowels, or have a clipped way of speaking?), her ticks or habits. What about the way she acts makes her stand out, or makes her different, more of her own individual? Does she chew on her lip, does she tend to stand with her arms crossed, does she pace when she's bored or anxious, does she stare at people without realizing she's doing it, does she constantly chew gum, etc? Just to name a few.
• I get that she's YOUNG, but I still think "Food" as a motivation is taking it a little far haha. It would imply that her livelihood surrounds a drive for feeding herself, and that could imply a multitude of childhood traumas like starvation or the like. If you want to say that she loves to eat, say that! If she's possessive of her food, say that! If she has an unhealthy obsession or attachment to food, say that! All that could go into personality and could help you describe and develop her better.
• Why would she feel like being violent? This could go into flaws. Even if your character doesn't understand the reason for her urges, you, as the author, should.
• Her last motivation could play into her being possessive, or petty, or greedy, or a hoarder, and all this could go into flaws. Connect the different parts of her profile, create a cohesiveness to her traits by elaborating on mannerisms in flaws, elaborating on flaws and hobbies in personality, etc.
• The talents and hobbies seem to be the most developed section so far haha. Again, think about elaborating these ideas! "Being an idiot", you could easily go into more detail in her Personality section: is she like this naturally, or is it an act she puts on to distract from something else? She's clearly an artistic type, so is she often off inside her own head, fantasizing and imagining things, or is she a busy-busy type with numerous unfinished projects due to her multitude of interests and ideas? Details!
• I agree with what @Bananapudding said, the MBTI test is a great idea if you want to get some basics down for your character and have a guideline to build her character on! I'd also recommend taking it as Maya.
• Does she want claws because she's a playful and imaginative 8th grader, or is this in correlation with her violent tendencies? Is this a normal modern universe or a fantasy one? Where does the want for a dagger factor in?
• Cute pets!

All in all, Maya is… still underdeveloped. I don't quite have a grasp for her yet, for who she is as a person or a character. I'd say focus on developing the foundation you've already set for her, which is solid, if a little vague. Good luck, and I hope this was helpful!

ok guys. Apparently I need help. I’m Maya’s height and weight. I copied a lot of things off me. Like everything. And F U N F A C T she (and I) walks on her tiptoes is because of the medical disease Muscular Dystrophy in which our muscles are too small for our bodies. YEET

oh okay! muscles being too small for body could = weighing less than average, so don't worry about that then! Also if walking on her tiptoes is tied in with her medical condition, write that! Thanks for the clarification :)

I kinda noticed that when I read it. It's okay to write what you know, but maybe try doing some noticable change so that's she's not, you know, you. She's a cutie 💙