forum Believable or not?
Started by @NoValdezinator
tune

people_alt 3 followers

@Blossom_Utonium

No, this is really good. I like her. I think she's got a lot of room to grow and change, which is what every writer wants.

@CoffeeShopNotebook

Alright, that was a really interesting read. I enjoyed it tbh.
What I think you should work on is giving her at least SOMETHING to hold onto. Because she seems really miserable and I get that she tried to take her own life but if you're that sad, chances are you'll try again. So perhaps you should give her some sort of hope (even if it is all fake stuff to keep her alive). Maybe she has hallucinations of her cat or something and she enjoys seeing it around her cell. IDK.

Also, you could look up real life ways for her to react to the crisis she is in. Being quiet, not eating much and not taking care of herself is one thing. But if I was stuck in a prison cell (this is just my personal opinion) I would probably go crazy because I need to be around people otherwise I get anxious. I don't think being shut down and being super hyper are the only possible reactions a person could have whilst being incarcerated so I suggest giving her more of a personality. Maybe a secret life she leads within her own head that makes everything bearable and that's why she doesn't talk much, because she's shutting everything else out to hang out in her "mind palace".
Other than that, I think you've done a pretty thorough job and I look forward to seeing what else you throw our way.
Thanks for reading!