forum Bash my character
Started by @stargirl-3213
tune

people_alt 12 followers

@itskayhere

I think he is a pretty great character so far :)
I will admit I snickered a bit at the "Fanfiction green" eyes lol, never heard that term in all the fanfic I've read. It was a good adjective.

@Celestial-B

Yay! My time has come lol~~

First, he is extremely underweight, like at least 30 pounds underweight. Especially because you said he is strongly built, height adds pounds, and muscle adds pounds! So add some more so it doesn't seem like he hasn't eaten a meal in a few months
Lol, I like that you said his eyes are 'fanfiction green'. Made me laugh. but i'm sure a lot of people don't know what that is so you might want to change it to more of a specific color than basically saying 'The color of Jensen Ackles eyes' xD
I think what you put in the Mannerisms category is more of his personality type than mannerisms. A mannerism would be like 'he runs his fingers through his hair when nervous' or 'bits his lip when anxious' and things like that.
Another thing, you repeatedly say how he is very flirtatious which gets the point across I guess, but.. it can be a bit tedious to read lol.
Another thing, I don't think 'Thinks all greyhounds are evil' is a politic heh. You should put something like, 'hates the government' or something more political related.
Ok, now, I tell people this a lot so don't feel bad, but you should put a loooooot more in his background! I know you can do better than that! Explain! Instead of saying a decent stereotypical family, tell us what you mean by that. Did he have any siblings? Something else major that happened in his life? Also, what do you mean by 'built a facade for himself' do you mean a literal wall? Lol i'm sure you don't; i'm sure you mean that he built a wall around himself to push people away. And if that is what you mean, why would he be in any relationships if he didn't want people to get close to him? And why is he so cocky? What happened in his childhood that made him that way?

That is just some of the things I could of for the moment. But good job on the character, hope I helped you in any way and good luck with him!! <3

@CinnamonRoll

In my opinion, every character, no matter how good, can always be developed more!! With that in mind, let's go top down…

HOLY–boi is WAY underweight!! Now, this isn't too important to the story, but a muscular 6 foot male should probably weigh upwards of 175 pounds (I'm guessing).

Hmm, so what you currently have as mannerisms seem more like personality traits to me. Under mannerisms, I would put physical tics, such as 'taps foot when nervous,' 'wiggles fingers when thinking,' etc. Also, I would give him SOME hobbies, even if they're weird and obscure. It adds depth to the character!

Oh. Um…. background is…. a little empty. I was ready for details on Makaena, a bit more depth on his problem with religion, etc. It's okay, but offers no further insight into the character's life. Explain his motives, his flaws! Tell me why he's a First Responder! Just go super in-depth; too much detail? No such thing!!

Overall, you have a really sweet character here!! He seems like the kind of guy I'd like to get to know; a very human character!! Fluff up that backstory and I think he'll be well on his way!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

@Raziel Gallephraya

140lbs and 6ft? jeez, he's tiny, not strongly built. he's gonna be around 160-170 if he's strongly built. those flaws are very modest but I feel like it should include something about how he uses humour to cover up his pain. also, have you ever tried shooting a machine gun? that crap is hard to aim! he could be good at wielding it and be more accurate than most, but he won't be a perfect shot every single time. if he's a good person deep down but doesn't show it, he'll try to hide it by making rude remarks a lot or being overly flirty to mask his true self. does he only like green because of his eyes or is it just his personal preference? I love the favourite possession thing, very clever! Overall I like this character but you told me to bash him and the best I could do was comment on his weight and pose some questions, I hope I could help you figure him out good luck!

@WriteOutofTime

Like everyone else said, the weight thing is weird. my brothers kinda skinny and he's about 6'2 and he weighs 185 (I think or something close to that). he has like no muscle, so keep that in mind.

also the backstory is lacking. I feel like I don't know much about him. I like what I do know, though. he sounds fun. kinda reminds me of lance from voltron, if you've ever heard of it. anyway overall I like him a lot!! he just needs a little adjustment.

@WriteOutofTime

oops forgot to add that I love fanfiction green eyes. that cracked me up and painted a pretty clear picture in my head of the color of his eyes. lol