forum Anyone want to critique Kace (Allyson)?

Started February 12, 2019 by @pumkinhead group

tune

I'm new to this website and I found it was really helpful to write down my characters. So first try: Allyson Morgan Reece
It's super helpful to have advice so thanks in advance!

okay i only have two small things

1. why does she not like her country's leader?
2. is ashley's disease entirely new or is it just new to kace? has anyone else ever gotten it? what even is it, and how is it uncurable?

other than that, everything looks pretty good!! she seems really cool, nicely done

I'll take a look!

Overview-
I'm only including this bc I wanted to ask why she goes by Kace? I understand it could be because she's on the run, but it could help to flesh that out, explain it, and describe the whole reason why she chose Kace as her alias, why she has an alias, and other things like that!

Looks-
*sobs bc a 13 year old is taller than me-anYWay what are are the scars from? I do think it's nice that you specified why she weighs that little, you did very well in this panel!

Nature-
Under mannerisms, this is good! The second half about inviting people isn't necessarily a mannerism, and rather falls under personality. Very good motivation! Something you should explain is why she not only blames herself for her sister's death, but also utilizes it as a motivator. Often times when someone blames themselves for someone else's death, it's discouraging. You even mention under flaws that it destroys her emotionally to merely think about. How does she remember her sister at her lowest point and use that memory to fuel her, when the thought of her sister destroys her? This can still work, but it might help to explain that! The flaw is very nice as well, but it could help to add a few more! Maybe some minor flaws, some flaws that might cause conflict in the story, and other things like that. She grew up without a mom, (and an absent father?) so she might lack in a lot of skills, but her social skills might be a little more developed with her sister around.
Under prejudice, this is a great description, but it might help to explain that this is a prejudice people have against her rather than a prejudice she has against others. Her hobbies might be stealing, considering that's something she's talented at.
I love the way you described her personality, too, very good job!

Social-
If she has no religion, she could either be agnostic or atheist. Explain why she has no religious beliefs! It gives depth and a stronger foundation to your character. I'm refraining from mentioning what @/alrightellie already mentioned because those are two very good questions.
Under favorites, I adore these! Often times people will just list the favorite without explaining why, but you gave a deeper look into why Kace likes the color blue, and it really does improve and flesh out a character!

History-
Some more questions to consider; what was the mom's cause of death? Is it the same illness as her little sister's? Where is the father, and why isn't he present in the family?

Family-
I'm literlaly sobbign my OC also had a dog named Joy that's no longer in the story oKAY THAT'S ALL I HAD TO SAY ABOUT THIS

I hope this helped! I love her!