forum Anyone Up for a Critique?

Started March 24, 2019 by @gloryduster group

tune

Hey! These are two of the main characters in my latest project (a post-apocalyptic little thing) and I'd love to see how you guys feel about them!

Here's Bluejay, the MC:

And Sacha:

I have some brushing up to do on the worldbuilding, but here's what I've got so far:

Thanks, y'all!

Aevum

Aevum

Oh, hey!! Aevum sounds seriously cool! If I had to say which of my people would like her best, I'd probably say Sacha - they're both tea-drinking bird people, haha. I kind of really like the irony in her being a deity hunter when she was created to serve them in the first place, you know?
Can I ask if there are some people she lets her guard down around? Would she make a morally wrong choice if she thought it was for the greater good? What are some things about her that no one expects?

Welp, here it goes, Bluejay:

1. why's she vengeful? what does she want revenge for?
2. I think she has amnesia ??? so how does she decide she likes someone
3. Can you ad her background in notes (or in the background) so people trying to critique can read it? because I have questions which I feel like they'll be answered in her background.
4. Carry on as you are. There are no major problems for me to point out so just keep on doing what it is your doing.

Sacha:

1. I love floofy hair, but what is the length? the character has a picture so that makes it easy to guess.
2. You can just put his prejudice down for the critique portion. It makes it easier to give feedback. mysteries are good but in this case a bit distracting.
3. Felix sounds great
4. Again no major problems.

I'm not good with critiquing the worlds of other people, being someone who tends to write an entire book on my own. but here are a few points anyway.

1. How much time has past since the cataclysmic event? A century? Two centuries? Since no-one really remembers it must be more than 80 years.
2. Were do they get the paper? Good paper is actually really hard to make. If they make it from old magazines they found to keep in mind that the paper will never be white and the quality becomes worse if it's recycled more often. On the other hand, well-cleaned scraps of leather or cloth are durable and less sensitive to getting wet.
3. What kind of armour do the blacksmiths make? like full-blown knight armour quality or pots-and-pans-melted-together quality? full metal armour takes a hell of a lot of time to make and is really heavy. if you mean more like the leathery armour a blacksmith is the wrong person to ask. Then it would be better to go to a seamstress, an upholsterer for furniture or anyone else with experience in leatherworking.
4. What about plants? Do people forage or is agriculture still a thing?
5. Depending on how much time has passed, it might be fun to look at how animals and plants are adapting to the weird gravity zones.

Hello!! Thanks for taking the time to look at my people, aaah! It means a lot, you have no idea.

Sorry it's taken me like a week to get back to you, but I have thought over what you've said, and I've attempted to provide solid answers for all of it.

For Blue:

1, 2, & 3) I've gone ahead and updated those fields, so hopefully it fills in the gaps!

4) Thank you!

Sacha:

1 & 2) Alright, I've added those in too, I believe!

3) Felix is probably the most redeemable character, tbqh.

4) And thank you again!!

Worldbuilding Things (I'll add these to the universe entry in a bit, haha):

1) I'm thinking about a century has passed, give or take a couple years - long enough for most of the previous generation to be gone, especially given the harsh and unpredictable climate and messed-up gravity, but not long enough that there aren't Old World supplies for the Sunderscapers to make use of.

2) Since the warehouses they build cities around are usually filled with various eclectic supplies in bulk, the people make recycle old caches of paper. I've read about rudimentary paper making, and the shredding-mixing-pressing-drying process seems doable. It's not going to be high quality bristle board or anything, but it's better than nothing.

3) The blacksmiths usually find a need for helmets and assorted gauntlets/armor portions, as well as providing supports for the carpenters and builders to work with, but they also deal in traps and weapons, too - mostly of the sharp and blunt persuasions. But leatherworking and fabric are also in high demand too, so what ends up happening - especially for people interested in journeying past city limits into the wastelands - is a joint effort between blacksmiths, tanners and seamstresses to create protective and functional gear.

4) Agriculture is highly valued within the communities, yeah! The inhabitants have gotten basic farming down to a science pretty quickly - the seedbanks scattered around the Sunderscape in long-abandoned bunkers are what kept society fed and alive when it became clear that hunting the obviously endangered animals was a temporary solution. While foraging is possible, given how many seeds have been scattered by the winds, it's much easier to live off of the gardens surrounding the central warehouses, which grow everything from lettuce to spinach to garlic, though nothing exotic or tropical.

5) Honestly, I've been considering how life adapts to screwy gravity, too! Maybe vinelike plants like honeysuckle or morning glories would learn to grow up in low-gravity areas, like kelp in the oceans, and learn to spread out their leaves more to catch more sunlight that way?? Or maybe rabbits populating an dense gravity well would adapt to the high resistance, and so they'd overtake the "normal" strain of rabbits that can't jump as efficiently as they can in nominal gravitational circumstances? It's something to think about for sure…

Worldbuilding Things (I'll add these to the universe entry in a bit, haha):

1&5) I see, if only a hundred years have passed there might not be that much change in wildlife yet other than insects that have a really short lifespan like flies. Even then it probably isn't much different than wing shape and different size. Plants and animals that would benefit from less gravity, such as climbing plants indeed, might flock to low gravity areas because the whole reason they climb stuff is to get up in the air. this is, of course, probably only if their seeds can somehow reach the ground.