forum Anyone Care to Critique My Characters?

Started February 14, 2019 by @SarBex

tune

I would love if someone could critique these two characters for me. Be as harsh as you can be!!
Let me know if something is wrong with the links :\

Holland:

Seth:

Holland:
Go a bit more into the Why with the motivation. Why does she want to focus on her duties after entering the realm? Also, you state that she isn't a genius but she's typically a straight-A student. why is that? is it because she's good at studying but isn't actually able to use the knowledge in reality or does she immediately forget things after the exam? What subject is she best at?

Basically, ask the question of WHY a lot. not every mundane thing, like why they like candy, needs a complicated or profound reason. but things like motivation and statements you make about them can benefit a lot from asking the question.
I haven't been able to read Seth yet but I might do that later if needed.

Alright, so Seth:
How are his mannerisms when he isn't nervous? what makes him an overachiever?
With Seth I feel like you can expand a bit more with the traits and information that you already have on him although what you have is already pretty clear.

to me the character seems a little cliche. impatient and hot tempered are really common. I'm not trying to be mean and I totally understand falling back on the classics (it's not always even a bad thing when a character is a little cliche). anyway, that's my to cents

to me seth seems a bit to good. his biggest flaw basically amounts to "too nice" that's always a sign that a character might not be quite flawed enough. it's a problem that's hard to avoid so I understand it, but it's a problem nonetheless.

@"M.W.Poel" @"walter"
I tried to make adjustments based on your suggestions. I noticed that I do have a problem with coming up with "whys" and making my characters a little too cliche, so I am really grateful that you've pointed that out. Thank you so much!

The best way to learn is to keep practising. Why will always be an important question so as long as you keep asking it you will get there. want me to check your characters again to see if I can find some more points or give specific tips?

@"M.W.Poel"
I would love that, thank you!

Holland:

1. Identifying marks can be things as freckles or other tiny things that wouldn't be obvious but are still sort of unique to them. Though not having identifying marks is perfectly fine too. I'm just putting it here because you did answer the question which gives me the ide you wanted to answer it but didn't know how?
2. Expand a little on how her passion for family manifests in small ways. What are the small ways she expresses her passion for them?
3. How long has her sister had that boyfriend? if it has been a few months Holland's opinion on men, in general, might be somewhat extreme even for someone who's stubborn. If it has been for several years it's fine though, I can totally see where she comes from then.
4. Being Bellegrea seems like something really big which is (still) mostly done out of a sense of duty towards others and not because she really wants to. Maybe look at it on a more personal and small level. what does she, personally, get out of it? What if there was another way to get that that was simpler and less dangerous, would she still go this route?
5. Did she have any particular opinion about moving homes at the age of four? I mean, she as very young but it might be interesting to figure out how the little kid version of her reacted to things as opposed to now.

Seth

1. hates not being perfect is still very general. perfect at what? everything? is there anyone else he thinks is perfect an why does he think they are? if there isn't anyone he sees as perfect then how does he define it? Why does he want to be perfect? Is this desire taxing for his mental state? I know I would be a nervous wreck if I was constantly walking around with the idea of having to be perfect at everything.
2. has to or wants to jump in for them? (flaws) a small difference in word choice big difference in how to see a situation for the reader.
3. how does he express happiness? what's his laugh like? not super important but it could give a little more depth to his character.
4. His backstory is almost the same as Holland's? is that intentional? again, how did 4 years old him feel about it?

I noticed you literally answered some former notes and just pasted that in the text you already had but you can ignore or use as much from this as you like. It's not a checklist but an attempt at helping you find out more about the character. Don't force out an answer if you don't have any, sometimes you'll figure things out about them only when actually writing or inventing other characters.

@"M.W.Poel"
Thank you!! I do use these notes unless I feel like I've already explained something to the best of my ability because I can always go back and change something. When I write, if something about a character needs to change, I'll change it; I'm not completely stuck with what I've already planned if that makes sense.

On their history, I probably should have explained this already but I guess I forgot. Seth and Holland are not the first best friends in their families. Their grandparents were also best friends, and they used to live in the same neighbouring houses that the Clarkes and Alanises live in now. Then, Seth and Holland's parents moved to Florida just after college, found neighbouring houses again, and settled down. And then they moved back to Texas, back to their childhood homes. That last move occurred when Seth and Holland were four.
Their families are really intertwined so I'm sure I missed something, but I hope that cleared something up. =)

ah, I was just curious if it was intentional or if you had forgotten to change it. if it's intentional it's all okay.