Kraio -
Gods she was sight. Her amber hair was in a simple plait down her back and she had a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. She held at least five flagons of ale on a tray and nimbly maneuvered through the rowdy tavern crowd. After she had delivered the drinks to a rough bunch of travelers, she swung around to my table. “What can I get you –?” She looked up and seemed to be startled, “Um, Sir?”
“Please, call me Jeson. I am no Sir. And what I really want is your name,” I said, holding her dazzling green eyes in my gaze. Blood rushed to her cheeks and she looked at her feet, her hand reaching towards her neck.
“I am Ireana, s–” She caught herself. “Jeson. What would you like?”
“Spiced mead if you have it and a flagon of ale,” Ireana nodded and spun quickly on her heel to what I assumed was the kitchen. There was a blast of cool air on my back as the door opened and someone came in. The tavern seemed quiet for a moment before resuming its normal clamor; I would have turned but Ireana glided back into the room, the drinks on her tray.
“On the house,” she whispered as she concentrated on the mead and ale.
I reached out towards her hand and she timidly lifted hers to meet mine. I dropped two Pravos into her palm and said “Then this will be our secret.”
Her eyes grew wide as she looked and quickly dropped the coins into her apron. “I – thank you, Jeson.”
She looked at me from under dark lashes and the blush came back in full force. “What –” And suddenly I felt someone drape themselves across my shoulders. She pressed her lips to my left cheek and put her hand on my other, dragging her fingers across my beard.
“Oh thank you, Love!” She said as she plopped down, swinging her cloak over the back of the bench. The color leeched from Ireana face and her bottom lip fell a little, her mouth was a perfect little 'o'. “Darling, you have the most wonderful hair,” Natiselle exclaimed, her voice dripping with sugar.
“Thank you, m’lady,” She whispered and again scurried away. I looked straight on, forcing a lazy smile and began to drink as quickly as possible.
“Mmm, yum. This mead is wonderful; would you care for a sip, Love?” Natiselle crooned.
“I am quite alright. Is everything ready?” I asked, the only real part of our meeting.
“In a fashion, we may have to pick up additional supplies along the way. But, I am content.” She had not found any suitable weapons; we would have to try again at the next town.
“I find it hard to believe that you are content, my dear.” Despite my best efforts, my annoyance surfaced.
She stood, drained her cup, and after setting it down kissed me on the cheek again. “Too true, I do demand the best. Don’t dally, the horses are ready, we wait only for you.” She swept out of the tavern and all eyes, male and female alike, followed her.
With regret, I guzzled down the rest of the ale and left. For a fleeting moment, I thought I saw Ireana peeking out from behind the kitchen door.
I just wanted to bash her head into a wall. “Do you have to be such a terror?”
Natiselle looked at me sideways and rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic, she wasn’t even that pretty. You should be thanking me. You would have grown bored in weeks. And for that matter, she should be thanking me too; I just saved her a broken heart. Not to mention you left yourself entirely open. We don’t have time for distractions.”
My hands gripped the reigns tighter. “I did not. If anything, you call too much attention to yourself. I just choose to ignore you. And how can you say that? She was something entirely new, open and sweet. It could have been wonderful.”
“Ha!” she scoffed, “You mean simple and naïve.”
“Not everyone needs to be as bitter and cruel as you are,” I spat.
“Oh, you know I am the most charming person you will ever have the pleasure of knowing.”
“More like displeasure,” I muttered.
“What did you say?” Natiselle’s eyes narrowed.
“Nothing, your highness.”
“Not yet,” She whispered, “Not yet.”
Notes
WriteOutofTime
Dialogue tags are set off by commas if not by exclamation points or question marks. By that I mean: "Hey, I hope this helps ya." I said, is incorrect, while, "Hey, I hope this helps ya," I said, is the proper way to punctuate it. But that error is very small and easy to make. It's not a big deal. Just something I noticed right off.
The dialogue itself? So good. So, so good. I love the relationship between Kraio and Nastille. There's begrudging familiarity and irritation seeping through every word. They seem like such vibrant souls, and that's a huge win.
I like the pacing of this bit, too. Not too fast, but also not too slow –a scene like this, that at first glance may seem to be pointless, can easily be too slow or unnecessary. However, because of the way it establishes and reaffirms your characters and their relationships, I think it's brilliant.
TryToDoItWrite:
Dialogue tags are set off by commas if not by exclamation points or question marks. By that I mean: "Hey, I hope this helps ya." I said, is incorrect, while, "Hey, I hope this helps ya," I said, is the proper way to punctuate it. But that error is very small and easy to make. It's not a big deal. Just something I noticed right off.
The dialogue itself? So good. So, so good. I love the relationship between Kraio and Nastille. There's begrudging familiarity and irritation seeping through every word. They seem like such vibrant souls, and that's a huge win.
I like the pacing of this bit, too. Not too fast, but also not too slow –a scene like this, that at first glance may seem to be pointless, can easily be too slow or unnecessary. However, because of the way it establishes and reaffirms your characters and their relationships, I think it's brilliant.
Me: Its funny you say that because he is supposed to be a little pretentious (not on purpose, he just doesn't quite grasp how golden his silver spoon is). He's been raised since birth in one of the King houses (that now just handles economics) with the best tutors of the land, so his vocabulary is riddled with SAT words. - So I hear you, but…yeah. Also it's one of my favorite words, like its kind of an off and cringe-y and moist sounding word with how it sounds, perfectly describing a nostril, ear hole, or pipe opening.