Strisen
“Kraio did you get into a fight with a baker?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin. If swords were allowed in the courthouse, I would have run the speaker through.The voice, distinctly feminine and warm, ticked the back of my neck and made my hairs stand on end. I whirled around to see who it was, only to find a complete stranger. A beautiful stranger.
“I am not, I - what, which baker,” I stammered which only made her roll her eyes.
“Of course you are not, tell me again what ridiculous name Erion gave you?” She took this opportunity to thread her arm through mine and lead me down the hall “Ah, I do not really care all that much. But really what did you do to your hair? You look like you fell in to a vat of flour.”
My head was completely blank. Who was this, was she a cousin of some family? I thought I knew all of them. Her eyes were a dazzling blue, hypnotizing and stark against the midnight of her hair. Her skin was touched by sun, and she was built of lithe muscles – I could feel them as she led me along, strong and lean. “Oh fine, play by his rules. At least try to enjoy yourself before tonight.”
“Pardon me, I think you –”
She kissed me on the cheek; a firm kiss that spoke of deep connection, of friendship or of brotherhood.
“Kraio, we’re finally in Estonie, have a little fun.” She sang – spinning away from me. She raised her arms as if in celebration and her skirts fanned around her before she disappeared behind a corner. I tried to follow after but I heard Aelina calling. Her kiss burned against my skin, the feeling of her lips seared into my memory. Who was she?
And more importantly, who was Kraio?
Notes
Ooh, nice. A few formatting/grammatical issues: Make sure to separate dialogue by paragraphs, and keep an eye out for run-on sentences. For example: “I am not, I… what, which baker,” I stammered which only made her roll her eyes. “Of course you are not, tell me again what ridiculous name Erion gave you?” She took this opportunity to thread her arm through mine and lead me down the hall “Ah, I do not really care all that much. But really what did you do to your hair? You look like you fell in to a vat of flour.”
Becomes: "I am not, I…what, which baker," I stammered, which only made her roll her eyes.
"Of course you are not. Tell me again what ridiculous name Erion gave you?" As she spoke, she took this opportunity to thread her arm through mine and lead me down the hall. "Ah, I do not really care all that much. But really, what did you do to your hair? You look like you fell in a vat of flour."
Basically, every time a speaker changes, shift paragraphs. It makes things less confusing and easier to read. Another example of a run-on: I nearly jumped out of my skin, if swords were allowed in the courthouse I would have run the speaker through.
Becomes: I nearly jumped out of my skin. If swords were allowed in the courthouse, I would have run the speaker through.