Strisen -

“What are you doing?”

I kept going through the movements just like the weapons master had shown me. “Practicing.”

“You look like you learned from a book,” She chuckled and I could feel my face burn. I looked straight ahead, gritted my teeth, and continued. Nati gasped and clapped her hands; she could read me like a book. “You did! Has no one taught you properly?”

“Nati, I am an incredibly skilled archer –”

“I am sure. You would never catch me even eyeing a bow and arrow. That is a completely different world. However, if you are going to pick up a sword you should do it correctly. Your movements are much too stiff for swordplay.”

“I am doing just fine! If you were not so pretty, I would be mad at you.” I immediately regretted my words. My cheeks were betraying me; I just knew it.

“Oh,” she crooned. “You think I am pretty?” She sang ‘pretty’ as she fluttered her eyelashes. She picked up a sword from the table and swung it around to get a feel for it. They were just practice blades and horribly imbalanced, but it looked like an extension of herself.

“I – I think you are–” She was never going to let me forget this. “I am just going to ignore you.”

“I am impossible to ignore because I am, what was that again? Oh yes, I am pretty,” she teased as she moved towards me. With a deft rap, the steel of her practice sword hit mine and sent vibrations up my arm.

“Come on, Nati,” I groaned. Gods, she was like a kitten playing with a mouse. A deadly kitten.

“Disarm me and I will stop.” She swung her sword around and I knew that there was no possible way that I was going to be able to beat her. But braver men have done more stupid things to impress women.

“Oh I will.”

She disarmed me. Again. And again.

And again.

“Come on then. Beat me.” Nati tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and grinned.

Our blades crossed in front of our faces and they caught each other at their cross-guards. A terrible thought came to mind and before my more rational side could stop me, I leaned forward and kissed her. It was fleeting, no more than a few seconds, but – gods. Her lips were so soft and warm.

Startled, she took a step back and her sword faltered. I took the opportunity to twist my sword and my cross-guard caught hers. It fell from her grasp with a clatter. “Ha!” I laughed. It had actually worked!

The moment was short lived. The look on her face was terrifying; she narrowed her eyes and clenched her jaw and she looked like she was considering murder. She marched up to me, it did not matter that I towered over her; it is a miracle that I stood my ground. Our faces were a breath apart. "That was dirty," she hissed as she grabbed my face and kissed me.

Notes

Hollydraws:

Good intro! Gives a sense of motion and fluidity to the whole piece I think. The one thing I noticed on reading the whole think is that sometimes you leave out words or punctuation, such as when he says he’s practicing.

I really like the character interactions here, they’re very fluid and natural.

I would like to know a bit more about how these characters know each other, if there was a way for you to work that into this script somehow, I think that would add some much needed background to the story. I like the little challenge she presents him with, almost flirting, but also very “fite me”

I again like how you portrayed his sense of victory, that was well done :) Quick and simple, just how it should be.

Great descriptions here! I love that she’s so scary even though she’s way shorter than him! Well done! And it has a very nice satisfying ending to it as well :)

WriteOutofTime: 

 love this so much!!!!! This is some amazing dialogue! I enjoyed reading it so much. Just a few pointers here and there:

“You look like you learned from a book.” She chuckled and I could feel my face burn. “You did! Has no one taught you properly?”

This could be a bit clearer. It's hard to tell what's going on. I think a sentence in between the second and third sentences would clear it up. Maybe something about how Nastille realized that he truly had been learning from a book, or something about his expression giving it away. I don't know. Whatever the case, it would help to add just a little more.

“I am doing just fine! If you were not so pretty, I would be mad at you.” I immediately regretted my words. My cheeks were betraying me; I just knew it.
“Oh,” she crooned. “You think I am pretty?” She sang the word ‘pretty’ as she fluttered her eyelashes. She picked up a sword from the table and swung it around to get a feel for it. They were just practice blades and horribly imbalanced, but it looked like an extension of herself.
“I – I think you are–” She was never going to let me forget this. “I am just going to ignore you.”
“I am impossible to ignore because I am, what was that again? Oh yes, I am pretty,” she teased as she moved towards me. With a deft rap, she sent vibrations up my arm.

I'm not even critiquing this. I'm just pointing out how good it is. Both characters are a distinct voice and the dialogue is drenched with wit and humor. I like the way the action flows naturally, the way everything feels, just…great. Great job.

“That was dirty,” she hissed, grabbed my face and kissed me.

Bit of an awkward sentence. I think it's a run-on. It should be: "That was dirty," she hissed, grabbing my face and kissing me. OR "That was dirty," she hissed as she grabbed my face and kissed me. OR…etc.

Anyway, this was so, so good. Loved reading it.

TryToDoItWrite:

Oh man! This was awesome!! You get a perfect view of both characters (just like @write said) and it's honestly amazing. They both have their own voice and own movements.
The only thing I could critique that @write didn't is this lil section here was a bit unclear to me:

“I am impossible to ignore because I am, what was that again? Oh yes, I am pretty,” she teased as she moved towards me. With a deft rap, she sent vibrations up my arm.

“Come on, Nati,” I groaned. Gods, she was like a kitten playing with a mouse. A deadly kitten.

It's unclear because the image it gives is unclear. I re read it and got that it was the practice sword hitting him on the arm, but on the first read I didn't. To make it flow a bit easier i'd explain more.

…she moved towards me. She swung the sword and I moved to parry it, but she was too quick. With a deft rap of the hard wooden blade, she sent vibrations up my arm.

But besides that, it was coolio! V. nice!