I

It's at least midnight before we've run out of energy to practice any more. Jamie still hasn't said anything to me and has been pointedly avoiding my frequent worried glances. So, when Ben has left with Jess to pick up our takeout, and Faith has gone to the bathroom, I approach him sitting on his amp, scrolling through something on his phone.

"What's going on with you? You haven't even looked at me all evening."

He pauses scrolling for a split second, but says nothing.

I take a breath. "Did I do something wrong? Because I'm ready to make it up to you if that's the case, but I kinda need to know what I did in order to do so without being a douchebag."

Another moment of silence passes before Jamie suddenly sets his phone down, folds his arms, and looks up at me incredulously. It's one of the first times we've ever been at each others' eye level.

"You really don't have any idea?" he says, holding my gaze. I notice his eyes for the first time; they are deep, the color of the darkest chocolate, the kind that's too rich for you to eat any more than a bite at a time.

"I really don't," I say with a nervous laugh.

He looks down for a moment, as if debating with himself, before returning to looking into my eyes and saying, very matter-of-factly, "I like you, Conner. More than a friend, and more than a bandmate. I thought you might have figured it out by now considering the way I've been acting and the not-so-subtle hints Ben has been giving you, but I guess you're a little more emotionally thick than I made you out to be. So. Do what you will with that, I guess." 

And with that, he stands wearily, picks up his bass in its case, and passes me by to leave the room.

My heart feels as if it has leapt into my throat, and I have to blink quite a few rapid times before the dimly lit room balances itself again. I can't say anything, think anything except that single, frighteningly foreign phrase that repeats itself mockingly until it seems imprinted in my brain: I like you. I try to speak, but my mouth has apparently forgotten how to shape words. 

I turn, but he's already gone, and before I can think twice I hear the click of the front door and the soft rattle of his longboard's wheels on the asphalt.

Faith returns from the bathroom a few minutes later, rubbing lotion into her knuckles, to find me sitting cross-legged in the middle of the room on the floor, staring into nothing. She approaches me in socked feet and crouches next to me, peering curiously at me before snapping her fingers in front of my eyes. "Hey. Hello. I heard Jamie leave, what happened?"

I slump forward, burying my head in my hands, and say, "Did you know?" Even though my voice is muffled, I can still hear it trembling.

"Know what, love?"

I look up at her.

"Know what?" she repeats, her face growing worried. "Con, are you alright?"

Suddenly I start to laugh uncertainly. "You know, they were right," I say, raking my hands through my hair. "I don't know how I could have been so blind."

Faith turns and sits down facing me, taking my hands in hers. They're warm, soft, and grounding; I find myself forced to look into her face.

"Please start making sense," she says quietly.

I heave a shaky sigh. "They just told me they like me."

“Oh.”

She rubs her thumbs back and forth across my fingers for a moment and says, "How do you feel about him?"

"I--" How do I feel about them? "I...don't know."

“Well,” she says quietly, “this is just my input, but. I don’t know if you realize it, but you two get along as if you were meant to be. And don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you smile whenever you two are texting.”

I start. “What?”

She laughs. “It’s true! And Jamie cares a lot about you. The way he looks at you…he may not show it, but it’s there. Didn’t you ever wonder why he was always so protective of you?”

“I…just thought that was how they were with their close friends,” I say, then immediately realize how stupid I was. “Ah, jeez. You’re right, aren’t you?”

“Always am,” Faith says.

There’s a moment of quiet, then I squeeze Faith’s hands and say softly, “Maybe I ought to talk to him.”

“Whenever you’re ready to, love.”

Just at that moment, the door opens and Jess enters with two giant bottles of grape Fanta, followed by Ben, carefully maneuvering around Jess and the door, plastic shopping bags in his hands. He drops his car keys on the kitchen counter from between his teeth and sets them down on the floor in front of Faith and me.

“Where’s Jamie?” he asks, crossing the room to open the window and light a cigarette. 

Faith glances at me. 

“They, um…they left without saying why,” I say. “Maybe they’ll be back though.”

“More for us, says I,” says Jess, taking a slug from one of the bottles before kicking a throw pillow into the middle of the room and plopping down on it. “Your sweet-and-sour pork, you heathen.” They hand me a Styrofoam container and a plastic fork with a grin. I take it from them with a faint smile.

II

Ms. Moon heaves a sigh, glancing at the clock. "Alright, guys, we've got 20 minutes left and we've done all I planned. Go ahead and practice for yourselves. Mommy needs another coffee."

As soon as the door of the band room shuts behind her, I make a beeline for the corner where Jamie is sitting talking with Felicity, who sees me coming and excuses herself, pretending to be suddenly very absorbed in her phone. 

"Hey." My heart is thudding heavily in my chest and my ears. "Uh."

He raises an eyebrow and, somehow, the thudding gets louder. I swallow. "I'm ready."

He squints at me. "What?"

Ah, dumbass. "Ready to...to date, I mean. Of course, only if, uh...if you still mean what you said, otherwise…that would be kinda weird.” I laugh nervously and find myself fiddling with my braid before I clench my fist and shove it in the pocket of my jeans.

The expression of confusion on Jamie's face is replaced with one of blatant surprise and I can see color rising in his cheeks. He shuts his eyes and shakes his head, causing his curls to bounce. "Uh, yeah. Right. Okay. Uh...great. So...do--uh, do you..." He sighs, exasperated. "So, when are you free?"

"Um," I say. The sight of Jamie being just as flustered as I am is, I suddenly realize, extremely attractive. I let out a sheepish laugh. "T-tomorrow is good. Yeah."

"Alright," he says, his emotions seemingly back under control. "I'll pick you up at six."

I nod, attempting to ignore the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings engulfing my mind. "Good. Great. Cool. See you then."

He mirrors my nod, and the corner of his mouth quirks up a little. "Yeah. I'll see you then," he says. He gets up to leave, and the sleeve of his jacket grazes my shoulder as he passes, sending an electric tingle down my arm.

III

At 6:01, there's a gentle knock at the door, making me jump out of my tentative seat next to the coat rack. I fiddle nervously with my hair in front of the mirror and do a double take when I see Avery leaning against the doorframe behind me. I whirl around, my face burning, but all he does is smile and say, "Enjoy yourself" before walking off with his takeout container.

I shake my head and turn to open the door.

On the doorstep stands Jamie, their hands clasped behind their back, wearing an outfit I've never seen on them before: combat boots, green, red, and black plaid woolen pants and--my heart stops--a tight black turtleneck, accentuated by an assortment of silver necklaces and rings. For a moment, I believe I've forgotten how to breathe.

They let out a quiet laugh at my open-mouthed look. "Hi."

"Hi yourself," I say, self-consciously brushing nonexistent dust off my sweater. "Is that eyeliner? And, uh, where are we going?"

"Yes it is, and nowhere special. Shall we?" they reply, gallantly opening the passenger door of their car for me. 

I step in with a smile, and Jamie says, "We'll just have to make a quick stop first."

After ten minutes of navigating my neighborhood in the dusky light, we're standing in front of the Hisui Sushi restaurant, where Jamie tells me to "wait right here". When they come back out, they're holding a plastic bag of food which they hand to me before driving us off over the dam road. A few minutes later, we've pulled in to the parking lot of Beals Point and I realize that I'm grinning like an idiot.

They look over and mirror my smile. "C'mon. I've got an extra-large beach towel in the back."

"Man...I used to think I could see a lot stargazing in my backyard," I breathe, "but this is...next level."

"Isn't it?" Jamie says softly. "I knew you'd appreciate it."

"You know," I say, shifting so I can see his face, "you said this wasn't anything special. And you may be right, but..." I gesture to our surroundings, the empty sushi containers and sand scattered on our pants, "all of this? It's pretty special to me."

"You think?" He smiles.

"I know." I rest my hand on his chest, and a barely imperceptible shiver runs through him. "This is the best evening I've had in a really long time."

"Well, I'm glad." He rubs my shoulder with his hand, and my phone, resting next to it, lights up with a notification. It's not the text, however, that catches my eye, but rather the time: 8:57.

"Oh, fuck!" I blurt out, sitting bolt upright. "This place closes at nine, dude, we gotta get outta here before they lock us in!"

"Shit!" Jamie yells, laughing, and we rush to pick up our things and run to the car.

“I know it wasn’t anything elaborate,” Jamie says later as they walk me up my front path, “but I hope you still had a good time.”

I smile up at them. “It may not have been dinner at the Ritz, Jamie, but it was honest to God the best night I’ve had in a really long time.”

“Well, that’s good,” they say, and I can’t help but laugh and pull their face down so their lips met mine. It’s a mind-numbingly soft kiss, and it tastes like ice cream, and I feel one of their hands come to rest feather-light on my waist as if by instinct.

I pull away, but only slightly, and Jamie murmurs, “See you at practice tomorrow?” I smile, and they reflect it, their mouth only inches from mine. 

“Yeah,” I say after a second, momentarily transfixed by their eyes, practically black in the dim light of the porch light behind their head. “See you tomorrow.”

“Alright,” they breathe, taking one last long look at my lips before shaking their head, breaking the spell. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” I echo. “Drive safe.”

Jamie smirks, and it’s as if the moment we just had never happened. “Yeah, I’m more likely to die by my mom’s hand tonight than in any car accident,” they say with a dry laugh. 

“Hey,” I reply, half concern and half amusement tinging my voice, “you joke about those things, but—”

Jamie raises their hands defensively, keys jingling in one of them. “I know, I know, sorry.” They smile, though, and blow me a kiss before ducking into the driver’s seat, their curls soft in the glow of the streetlight. 

I watch them drive away, my bottom lip still tingling where their piercing pressed against it. As soon as they turn the corner, I drag a hand down my face and laugh half-hysterically into it, before turning to go inside. 

Avery is standing at the foot of the stairs in his pajamas when I open the door, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin when I see him. I let out a breath in a hiss through my teeth and press a hand to my heart, which is beating a million times faster than it should, but he says nothing except “You’re lucky I’m a lenient babysitter,” and goes upstairs with a sly smile on his face.