The Wonderful World According to Kefi
(A New Yawk Thymes best seller by [Friend Name} and Kefi!)
~Table of Good Content~
Title page
Table of Good Content
Foreword Prologue
Chapter 1: Make Flower Crowns, Not War
Chapter 2: But it’s okay to make war with the Media
Chapter 3: Is your life an illusion? Take this simple quiz to find out
Chapter 4: Self Care and Smoothie recipes
Chapter 6:
Chapter 7: Advice with Kefi (Exclusive Interview with {Anonymous Friend Name Vol. 2})
~The Foreword Prologue~
(By {Anonymous Friend Person})
Chapter 1: Make Flower Crowns, Not War
No one likes war. (Except for Theodore Roosevelt, and possibly those of the late War Hawks Party). It results in a lot of sadness, a lot of dead people, and likely at least one bankrupt country. So why do we do it??
Possibly because war makes for excellent marketing and patriotism. Possibly because angry people like hurting each other. Or maybe because the war induced patriotism is one of the only available and historically proven ways for tired governments to control the temperamental and generally mutinous masses.
At any rate, I think it can be agreed that if all the countries in the world agreed to stop warring, there would be no more reason to war. There would be disagreements, sure, but rock paper scissors could solve any argument more efficiently. In the case that a government is oppressing its civilians, the government should be rebelled against, which is of course extremely different. (Rebellions are much different than war- Leia Organa herself was a rebel.) In the case that a government is oppressing another country, it should call for a meeting of all of the different governments to serve as mediators for the two countries to hash out their differences. No warring required.
Now, you may be asking yourself- without war, what would mankind turn to? What would they do with themselves? Good question! To answer this, I must bring you back to the Hippie Movement of the 1960s and 70s.
This movement brought about people rejecting both the violence of the Vietnamese war as well as restrictive societal values. While there were definitely some negative areas of this movement- LSD, lack of hygiene, and this haircut, this movement showed to the world that some groups of people just want to live and be happy and express themselves (sometimes badly) as individuals. Maybe we should all be a little more like the hippies.
(Author’s Note: I am in no way endorsing the organization of a young group of people to go against the government armed with flowers and Bell Bottoms. Not at all. However, if you wanted to…)
At any rate, the Hippie movement was also a major show of individuality and protesting against rigid social classes and norms. Not only did it prove that man doesn’t need war to be happy, It also revolutionized fashion, the idea of individuality, style, social norms, etc. It’s true that they were (and still are) often portrayed as promiscuous drug addicts who menaced society with otherworldly flower power, (which is kind of awesome?) and I’m not saying all of that should be brought back, but definitely some modern day hippie culture across the globe wouldn’t hurt.
FURTHERMORE, the Snapchat Flower Crown feature does not make you a hippie. If you want to wear a flower crown, you commit to the flower crown. You embrace the flower crown. You live the flower crown.
Just using the filter is lazy and also means that’s oNE LESS PERSON keeping flower crowns in business and in style. (Guys, I can’t bring them back by myself!!! Help me out here, gosh dang it.) If you want to buy a Flower Crown, Good for you! You are a good human. Have a cookie.
(￣ω￣)／🍪
Recommended Flower Crown sellers:
You can also pick them up at local retail stores and malls- I personally highly suggest Altar’D state.
Want to make your own?
I applaud you, good sir or madam. When in doubt, DIY. Here’s a quick video I found on the Google (-and did not watch. That’s your job.)
However, how hard can it be??? If you doubt this shady Youtube video and do not wish to spend a ridiculous amount of money on a so-so end result that is flimsier and worse looking than anything you could have ordered (Which never happens with DIYS) then you can follow the (untested, but probably pretty great!) author’s method:
Find all the flowers you like- whether real or fake
Steal a shirt with a good pattern and cut off a strip to tie around your head
The thickness of the strip is up to you! Yaaaay.
If the flowers are fake, sew them onto the strip with a needle and thread. If not, (or if you’re LAZY) Hot glue away!
Find some leaves to make it more prettyful
The end
You’re welcome! See wasn’t that a lot less time and effort than warring with people? You could get angry at someone on Twitter who doesn’t care about you anyways OR you could go into business making/modelling your own flower crowns! Hey, I’ll bet you Hitler didn’t think about that. And did he have a very happy life? If you ask me, the relation of happiness levels to the intake of flower crown apparel is exhibited in the very official graph below:
The correlation here is undeniable. In conclusion, don’t war with people (or in general), kids. Make flower crowns instead.
Chapter 2: But It’s Okay to Make War With the Media!
Now, I know what you’re all thinking! ‘But, Miss Beautiful All-knowing Author Lady, isn’t this the exact opposite of what you told me to do just this last chapter just now?’ Well, dear reader, you are partially right, and good job on not being a mindless follower! You are the future. Moving on, warring is usually bad, but I’ve already stated my case for rebellions. Which are totally fine. And I would argue that it’s the media (Not the government, actually! Who knew?) that is in firm control of this country. Who tells us what’s right and what’s wrong most of the time?? They won’t say it like that, though. They’ll say it like they’re saying what everyone else is saying is right and wrong.
At any rate, they’re very clearly trying to take control of the country by flooding all platforms of media with so much useless junk and fake news that no one even cares anymore. Whatever shall we do?
Luckily, I was brainstorming this the other day and I have devised a flawless plan. With no flaws. Deviously.
The Plan:
So how does one fight fire? The Obvious answer is with a hose. Don’t be obvious, that’s boring. The BETTER, superior way to fight fire is with MORE fire that’s BETTER than the first fire, so now the fire may be bigger but it was ultimately your decision to make it that way and you are therefore still in control of the situation. Right. That is to say, if we want to fight the media (which we do) the best way to do that is to become the media. In other words, start writing a bunch of blogs (to win over the Soccer Moms and intellectuals), Tumblr posts (to win over the emos), Twitter and Facebook posts (to win over the political people and the old people), and anything else you can get your hands on, and just call out fake news for being fake news and pretty much just promote the heck out of people double checking their sources and not being gullible background characters who go along with whatever everyone else is doing and don’t think too much about it. INDIVIDUALITY, people. We literally JUST discussed this, kind of. This will probably have zero negative consequences. Yaaaay I’m a genius! 👏👏👏
Problem solved! HOWEVER, quick warning note: either the media, Dark Lords, The government, or sometimes cats are always trying to take over your life and the lives of innocent background citizens. Sometimes, it’s the innocent background citizens that could end BECOMING the Dark Lords/cats/media/government attempting to take over. You are this world’s only hope. I believe in you, don’t let me down.
Chapter 3: Is Your Life An Illusion? Take This Short Quiz To Find Out!
I think we all know by now that society and nearly everything about the world as we know it is really just a series of constructs constructed (see what I did there) from our personal experiences, life choices, personalities, and backgrounds. I don’t even need to argue the point. However, to what extent exactly does that apply?? Why do strange things happen in our individually crafted views of our surroundings???
The obvious answer: The World is an illusion.
Now I know what you must be thinking: “I trust any word you say unconditionally, Oh Great Philosopher of this Generation!” However, before you accept this and move on with your life (INDIVIDUALITY. Free👏Thinking👏People👏.)
To really go into this, what does the word illusion mean? Most people tend to think that the word implies something fake. I would like to clarify: The world is not fake. (most likely. I mean, it’s always possible. You could be in a coma right now, leaving your abandoned overworked spouse to watch over your beautiful four year old daughter on their own whilst the best scientists can do is project this image into whatever reality you’ve dreamed up for yourself, hoping you can wake yourself up:
But congratulations, you’re ignoring it, so go on pretending like you didn’t just see that. I’m sure your spouse and children are FINE anyways.)
Moving on, no. I don’t mean that ‘The World is an illusion’ as in ‘The World is Fake.’ To clarify, here’s a definition of the word ‘illusion’:
il·lu·sion
/iˈlo͞oZHən/
noun
a thing that is or is likely to be wrongly perceived or interpreted by the senses.
"the illusion makes parallel lines seem to diverge by placing them on a zigzag-striped background"
There you go. The Google has spoken. People only think what they are touching or smelling or seeing is the ‘real world’ when in actuality, reality includes way more than what we can interact with. For example: Why do you think so many people believe in ghosts👻? Why do you think there are SO MANY myths and legends about mythical creatures and deities in old religions and cultures? Why do you think that almost all people (at least, all interesting people) have some sort of personal take on the existence of the extraterrestrial and supernatural?
Easy: Because these things actually kind of exist, to some extent, just outside of what we can see. For example, in the Bible, ‘spiritual forces’ type thingys are talked about a lot. Case and point:
Ephesians 6:12 ESV
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
See? Note specifically that this says Spiritual forces of evil. Meaning, don’t be an idiot and dabble in this stuff- it’s messed up. Also it’s dumb. If you decide to believe that hey, demons are real, In wHAT RATIONAL WORLD are you like ‘hey, how about I TALK to them??? Let’s go GHOST HUNTING in this broken down house?? Hey, I have a SPIRIT BOX let’s talk to Radio Static!!?? No. Just no. 9/10 if you invite something bad to come screw up your life, it WILL. So, in conclusion: The monster under your bed is real (sleep under the covers and it can’t get you), you only see like thirty percent of what’s going on around you, congratulations your life is an illusion, and Don’t Be An Idiot (™).
Author’s Note: Compiled below is the Author’s point and case examples of Really Dumb Stuff To Not Do Under Any Circumstances Ever (Formerly known as: Stupid People Being Stupid, a Memoriam)
(Author’s Note Part 2: Most of these are faked as heck. Still. Don’t be these people. You’re better than this, come on.)
Chapter 4: The Art of Chill (A self-care and general amazing self help thing)
Everyone needs to know how to chill. Life is STRESSFUL, fam. Don’t let the system ruin your life and turn you into a mindless government-following robot of dullness. To combat this, you need to set up a You Time at least once a week in which you chill. This could be painting and listening to podcasts about mythical creatures, Taking a hot bath with tea, going on a walk and listening to music, whatever relaxes you. Three quick rules:
You HAVE to schedule this, and it has to be just you
It can’t be anything too heavily involving technology. Listening to music/podcasts while doing something else is fine, but that’s it
Don’t stress about everything you aren’t doing while you are chilling
Great! Now that that’s established, let’s look at some great options for a Chill Day of Chill-Ness.
Take a hot bath and drink tea.
Make yourself a hot bath, throw in a bath bomb or some sort of bubble bath mixture, and get yourself something to drink and a book! Be careful with the book though, they don’t like being dropped in water. Also, unless you're one of Those Japanese People who enjoys bathing in tea/coffee/alcoholic beverages, I would probably be careful with your cup+
as well.
NOW, for some tea recommendations ( I happen to be the master of this, so pay attention young grasshopper):
All of these are caffeine free and very relaxing! If you want some caffeinated tea, I would try English Breakfast, Earl Grey, or Vanilla Chai. Also: ADD HONEY, NOT SUGAR!! It’s better for your skin and also makes the tea taste better.
Now, bookwise, you know what you like better than I do. I would recommend a lighter read or something that isn’t tied to any responsibilities you have (reading for work/school). Other than that, it is up to you.