Whoa. We know you're trying. It's alright.

But Ruby, you're not. You're on a writing website venting about it. This isn't getting you anywhere. Go to the police. Tell people in your life who can help.

sorry, today has been rough but i shouldn’t have snapped-
i just shouldn’t have said anything.
i’m just gonna go

She said that she has gone to the police, Miri.

She said that she has gone to the police, Miri.

There's no way they're brushing off an alleged 'abuse' case.

sorry, today has been rough but i shouldn’t have snapped-
i just shouldn’t have said anything.
i’m just gonna go

Hey, love, don't talk like that. It's okay. There's no need to force what you need to say down your throat.

She said that she has gone to the police, Miri.

There's no way they're brushing off an alleged 'abuse' case.

tw

they really would. they said it’s a common thing they get people in lying about and until i’ve been r*ped they won’t do anything.

sorry, today has been rough but i shouldn’t have snapped-
i just shouldn’t have said anything.
i’m just gonna go

Hey, love, don't talk like that. It's okay. There's no need to force what you need to say down your throat.

maybe i should though.
the police don’t believe me.
i’m getting ‘attacked’ for doing everything i can in my power and i just wanted to get it off my fucking chest…

sorry, today has been rough but i shouldn’t have snapped-
i just shouldn’t have said anything.
i’m just gonna go

Hey, love, don't talk like that. It's okay. There's no need to force what you need to say down your throat.

maybe i should though.
the police don’t believe me.
i’m getting ‘attacked’ for doing everything i can in my power and i just wanted to get it off my fucking chest…

nobody is attacking you

She said that she has gone to the police, Miri.

There's no way they're brushing off an alleged 'abuse' case.

tw

they really would. they said it’s a common thing they get people in lying about and until i’ve been r*ped they won’t do anything.

Which is why they investigate.

sorry, today has been rough but i shouldn’t have snapped-
i just shouldn’t have said anything.
i’m just gonna go

Hey, love, don't talk like that. It's okay. There's no need to force what you need to say down your throat.

maybe i should though.
the police don’t believe me.
i’m getting ‘attacked’ for doing everything i can in my power and i just wanted to get it off my fucking chest…

nobody is attacking you

hence why it’s in quotations sweetie

She said that she has gone to the police, Miri.

There's no way they're brushing off an alleged 'abuse' case.

tw

they really would. they said it’s a common thing they get people in lying about and until i’ve been r*ped they won’t do anything.

Which is why they investigate.

i’m just telling you what they told me okay?

She said that she has gone to the police, Miri.

There's no way they're brushing off an alleged 'abuse' case.

tw

they really would. they said it’s a common thing they get people in lying about and until i’ve been r*ped they won’t do anything.

Which is why they investigate.

i’m just telling you what they told me okay?

sigh
I'm done with this conversation

She said that she has gone to the police, Miri.

There's no way they're brushing off an alleged 'abuse' case.

tw

they really would. they said it’s a common thing they get people in lying about and until i’ve been r*ped they won’t do anything.

Which is why they investigate.

i’m just telling you what they told me okay?

sigh
I'm done with this conversation

to be completely honest. so am i.

I’m so sorry Ruby. It’s not that we just don’t want to hear about it. We want you to be safe. When you vent here, all we can do is sit on the sidelines. That’s why we almost push you around like what happened a bit ago. We want you to be safe but are powerless to help so we try to push you all that we can to do everything to get help for you. Does that make sense?

it does make sense i’m sorry for snapping but i’ve done everything i can and it’s gotten me nowhere…

it does make sense i’m sorry for snapping but i’ve done everything i can and it’s gotten me nowhere…

_{it seems to me like you're the one who snapped the least but that's none of my business}

yO
i had a lil rant not too long ago about having guests over 'nd they STILL here
and i wanted to chill alone in my room before i have to take my pills and whatnot, and all three kids invited themselves into my room and started touching my stuff?????? i'm trying so fricken' hard not to snap at them bc they're kids 'nd they're younger than me but oh my god does anyone teach them to not touch shit that ain't theirs??????? one literally came in while i was typing this and asked to use my tablet too, and at least they asked but NO, they have their own tablet that they brought!!!
'nd two of 'em took my stress balls and my infinity cube and those help me r e l a x so now i can't calm myself at least a bit bc i don't wanna be a bitch and demand my stuff back and i'm just,,, AJFGNJRGHIGRHK
i'm having A Time and it isn't a good one-

_{i also feel really bad bc i know i'm prolly being extra snappy just bc i'm hella exhausted all the time but is it really too much to ask for my safe space to REMAIN a safe space????}

it does make sense i’m sorry for snapping but i’ve done everything i can and it’s gotten me nowhere…

_{it seems to me like you're the one who snapped the least but that's none of my business}

that’s what i said, i’m sorry for snapping on everyone i really really am

yO
i had a lil rant not too long ago about having guests over 'nd they STILL here
and i wanted to chill alone in my room before i have to take my pills and whatnot, and all three kids invited themselves into my room and started touching my stuff?????? i'm trying so fricken' hard not to snap at them bc they're kids 'nd they're younger than me but oh my god does anyone teach them to not touch shit that ain't theirs??????? one literally came in while i was typing this and asked to use my tablet too, and at least they asked but NO, they have their own tablet that they brought!!!
'nd two of 'em took my stress balls and my infinity cube and those help me r e l a x so now i can't calm myself at least a bit bc i don't wanna be a bitch and demand my stuff back and i'm just,,, AJFGNJRGHIGRHK
i'm having A Time and it isn't a good one-

_{i also feel really bad bc i know i'm prolly being extra snappy just bc i'm hella exhausted all the time but is it really too much to ask for my safe space to REMAIN a safe space????}

oh fuck man, that is super rough. i get it though. i have this friend of mine that has a little brother and he just comes into my room uninvited n shit and starts messing with my junk.
one day he went in while i was in the bathroom and broke a small little decoration my dad had given me made of porcelain. note, my dad has never been in my life but it was the single thing i treasured because of that same reason

i nearly strangled the kid. the worst part about this is that his parents didn't even do anything about it, they just let him keep touching my stuff.
i also didn't want to say anything cause, y'know, they're little kids, bastards, but still kids.

i think you're just going to have to tell them to politely fuck off and that you need your space cause you have some assignments to catch up on or that you're going to take a nap, i dunno, make shit up and hopefully they'll go away

_{that's actually a really good idea thank you}

that really sucks about the thing from your dad tho :(
if anyone even b r e a t h e d near stuff from my dad at this point i'd prolly commit murder-

_{that's actually a really good idea thank you}

that really sucks about the thing from your dad tho :(
if anyone even b r e a t h e d near stuff from my dad at this point i'd prolly commit murder-

yeah, it's no problem

ahahaha same here, it's alright tho, never knew the guy, but at least i ended up getting it fixed, though now it looks jacked up not gonna lie

When I tell you my sense of time is messed up right now, I mean it is messed up

This is what I get for staying up for 26 hours straight

Work was shit and I'd quite like to fall asleep and never wake up again
But saying the problem out loud makes it seem like less bad
But anxiety makes it real bad
And I had to fucking go in the back to cry for 20+ minutes
Because we can't cry in front of the customers

Lil vent coming up, and it’s probably stupid so feel free to ignore it if you so wish.
HOWEVER!
So I went to speak to the college nurse, albeit against my will but I felt obliged to agree since she is there to help me. We spoke about my sleep, because an email had been put on the system that I had fallen asleep in Photography and was finding it hard to concentrate. Hell, I was swaying while walking.
So I now have to make a choice by tomorrow: Talk to my mum about possibly going on medication, or go behind her back and make an appointment with the doctor to get medication. I would feel better if I made the appointment behind her back, because then I will definitely get medication. However I feel like it is the wrong thing to do, I also feel that talking to my mum about it will be a bad idea because I know what she is like. I’ve mentioned medication to her before and she says she doesn’t want me on it because she wants me to “get out of it naturally”.
Either option I take I will feel like it is the wrong one, and I’m beginning to regret ever bringing it up to the nurse.
Another thing I mentioned to the nurse is that I don’t always feel safe at home. Whenever I’ve done something wrong or I speak my mind and it goes against my parents, I will get smacked or hit. Now, it’s not full on abusive hitting because no marks are left, however it does raise some concerns. The thing that concerned the nurse the most is that my mum will also do this to my younger siblings. The youngest is 4! And also that I have had my 9 year old sister crying her heart out, holding onto me for dear life, screaming whenever her parents come near her. So now the nurse has spoken to her boss and they’re going to see what they can do about it, and see if a full investigation needs doing, you know, since it is illegal to hit your child.
Again, they don’t class it as abuse, they call it discipline. Sorry, but if I can hear a smack from another room with the door is closed, something is wrong. A conversation my mum had with my grandma, in reference to me, was that if it was legal to hit your children then she would, and the only reason she doesn’t is because she knows I will tell someone.
I’m scared that if it gets back to my parents that I have told the nurse this, they will start shouting at me and possibly hurt me, thinking I’ve told someone that they’re being abusive.
I’m really beginning to regret ever seeing the nurse, and I’ve put myself in such an unfortunate situation, and I hate myself because of it.

(Vent over)